Open Letters Monthly: The Croods

This year is a wide-open field for animated movies. There's no major Pixar release, there are more animation companies than ever putting out new material, and we just came off of a year in which every major studio put out some excellent material. DreamWorks is off to a great start with The Croods, a caveman comedy featuring an all-star cadre of voices and an some excellent storytelling from How to Train Your Dragon's Chris Sanders.

At the end of the beginning of time, the last neanderthal family, the Croods, live day by day due to the strict rule of their father Grug: "Never not be afraid." They live with the understanding that new is bad and dangerous, spending days at a time in a cave built to protect them from the outside world. But when the planet begins to change around them and forces them to follow the nomad Guy to a place called Tomorrow, the Croods learn that change is not a bad thing, and that they will have to adjust their way of life if they want to become part of the next phase of human existence.

The Croods is co-directed and written by Chris Sanders and Kirk DeMicco and stars Nicolas Cage, Emma Stone, Ryan Reynolds, Catherine Keener, Clark Duke and Cloris Leachman.

Click here for the full review at Open Letters Monthly.

Spirit of Dread (ful)

Oh right, THAT'S what this feels like.

2011 was a great year for superhero movies. Against all odds, Marvel Comics managed to release three such titles that collectively were actually very good, with Captain America, Thor and the excellent X-Men: First Class proving to not only be quality films but extremely profitable in the process. This was a huge difference from years past, in which Marvel wasn't exactly known for putting out the best product (Punisher, Daredevil and Elektra, to name a few). For years films based on the Marvel franchises were criticized by fans for failing to capture the essence of what made the comic books so attractive to people around the globe, while DC Comics  enjoyed a long line of success at the theaters. Much of that success has centered around the "Big Two" of Superman and Batman, however, with last year's bomb Green Lantern hinting that interest outside of Supes and Bats might not be as high. So with Marvel doing so well lately, it was only a matter of time before something like Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance came along and ruined that new car smell. Movie-going sidekick Todd stated that she would suffer through Ghost Rider with me if I was going to watch it anyway, but never did I suspect that "suffer" would be the perfect definition for what we did for an hour and a half this past weekend.

Nicolas Cage has never looked better!

Former stuntman Johnny Blaze (Nicholas Cage) has left home and life far behind, hiding out in Eastern Europe while battling with the demonic soul inside him, known as the Rider. When the Rider gets loose, it completely takes over Blaze and destroys evil people, and so Blaze has left to avoid accidentally hurting any of his family and friends (or maybe because it was cheap to film in Romania and Turkey). By avoiding contact with anyone, he can stop the Rider from emerging, but this is not meant to last: an envoy of a holy sect, named Moreau (Idris Elba), has sought Blaze out so that the rider can protect a child being hunted by the The Devil (Ciaran Hinds) to fulfill some bizarre prophecy. With a promise that the sect can also remove the spirit of Ghost Rider from his body, Blaze is in a race against time to protect the boy and his protective mother Nadya (Violante Placido) so that they cannot be harmed and prevent a new apocalypse on Earth.

This is where Charlton Heston went when he died.

If that story put you to sleep, well, I guess you're done reading. For those of you still conscious, this Ghost Rider sequel features the worst elements of cliched Hollywood screenwriting, surprising since David S. Goyer was the chief storyteller here. Goyer's best work has been writing superhero films including the Blade trilogy and with Christopher Nolan on Batman Begins, so it's actually kind of surprising that there's nothing to redeem Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, a film that revels in showing us the completely ridiculous. Maybe that's the fault of the directors, though. The duo of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (known collectively as Neveldine/Taylor) has become well known for their irreverence and explosive action, and I really liked their 2009 look a the future of social media, Gamer. Elmo has also praised their addition to Jason Statham's action resume in Crank, and if there was one thing I had hoped going into this new release, it was that Neveldine/Taylor would make up for its faults by cranking the energy of the film all the way up to 11. Instead, Ghost Rider is far too much like Jonah Hex, the utter crap from 2010 for which they wrote the screenplay. Riddled with animated interludes, an excess of voice-overs (by a mentally unstable Cage, no less), and more cliches than you should legally be allowed to include, this was a story that never had a chance of success, even BEFORE you threw Nicholas Cage at it.

That chimichanga REALLY disagreed with him...

Ah, Nicolas Cage. He and I have enjoyed a love/hate relationship since I began this site a few years ago; he loves himself and I hate his movies. Dotting his resume are performances that prove he has talent as an actor (Brian could tell you more, but some include Kick-Ass, Adaptation, and Leaving Las Vegas). However, all this means is that there are some directors out there who manage to reign in his levels of crazy into something both tangible and entertaining on the big screen. Neveldine/Taylor are not those directors. Cage is regularly allowed to go balls-to-the-wall insane, and when he does the results are not as they should be. I'm okay with the fact that the screenplay includes an overdose of humor (if it hadn't, I never could have made it through the film), but regularly Cage's exploits as the Rider earn more unintentional laughter than they should. The character of Ghost Rider needs to be scary to be effective, but not once does the character do anything to frighten the audience. I'm shocked that the bad guys don't just keel over from laughter every time Cage is on the set, as that's all I would do in their place.

So much acting talent... it's just GONE...

The rest of the cast is okay, though they rarely step above the level of "comic book movie" quality. Ciaran Hinds is excellent chewing scenery as The Devil, though he's featured very little, relatively speaking. Taking over for Peter Fonda in the original, Hinds has enjoyed a recent string of secondary roles in the past few years, and he's a talented actor with a unique look that will always find him a place in genre films. Idris Elba is another serious talent who adopts a French accent almost as believable as his American in HBO's The Wire. As a Golden Globe winner (for BBC series Luthor) it's a shame to see him bust his butt in small comic book movie roles like this and Thor, but at least he's getting regular work in Hollywood. I was less impressed by Johnny Whitworth, who is fine in smaller roles but not so much as this film's main antagonist. I liked Violante Placido in 2010's The American but she likewise doesn't have any real depth beyond the "desperate mother" role she plays dutifully. In the end, Cage is allowed to go psycho, while the rest of the cast is just trying to counteract that with actual acting.

Blaze was never invited kiting again.

If there's one saving grace to Spirit of Vengeance (besides the actually intentional humor), it is the special effects, which include post-production 3D. Think about that for a second. I have been more than vocal about my dislike of the technology explosion that has been 3D in film, to the point where I will avoid the topic even when relevant to avoid repeating myself over and over again. If I was to list my favorite films using 3D from the past few years, most of them would have one thing in common: they were filmed using 3D cameras, and not simply rendered in post-production. There are a few films with post-prod 3D that actually work (Piranha 3D is the only one that comes to mind), but for the most part the only way to make great 3D these days is to just spend the extra money for the cameras. Ghost Rider is a shocking change in the trend, lending credence to the idea that post-filming conversion has gotten much better in the short period of time since people gave Clash of the Titans crap for their 3D usage. I still believe there's nothing better at the moment than James Cameron's introduction of the 3D camera technology to the filmmaking process, but perhaps that won't be true for long.

Um, no, I'll walk. Thanks.

Of course, when the best thing you can say about a movie is that the 3D is great, you know you've just done yourself an injustice in your film-going choices. I normally would never say this so early in the year, but I harbor no doubts that Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance will be among the worst films I list at the end of 2012. Neveldine, Taylor and Cage aren't even trying, and their lack of effort drags this film into such a deep abyss that you pray it never escapes, lest the end of civilization as we know it follow. I'll have higher hopes for Marvel's next film event The Avengers, and hope Joss Whedon and crew can wash the taste of bile from my mouth at having volunteered to watch such a monumental cinematic mistake.

Which Witch?

Now, I know what you're thinking: Mr. Anderson is gone on a week-and-a-half-long hiatus and when he comes back it's just with a stupid rental review? Yeah, I agree. But my week removed from film came at a time when the industry as a whole seemed to take time off, sitting back and letting The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn's box office run go unmolested. The few "important" movies out that I hadn't seen (chiefly The Descendants and My Week with Marilyn) were not ones I was terribly excited to watch, and this past weekend's wide releases were also more than a bit underwhelming, as the star-boasting New Years Eve and R-rated comedy The Sitter don't exactly nicely follow in the footsteps of truly great 2011 films like Hugo, Arthur Christmas, or The Muppets. Fortunately, with much anticipated films Shame, the Sherlock Holmes sequel, and others finally making their ways onto the big screen this month, I'll be back to seeing so many new releases that getting around to renting older titles will surely be stopped for the near future.

But enough exposition! Season of the Witch combines a number of bad cinematic elements that at first glance look like an easy contender for the year's (if not decade's) worst film. Star Nicholas Cage's run of surprisingly successful crap shoots finally hit a snag this year when he managed to bomb what should have been a likable effort in Drive Angry, breaking records as the lowest-grossing wide release 3D film to that point. And that was the option most likely to be successful! There really should have been no way that Season of the Witch was going to be any better, as it transplanted Cage's penchant for cheesy dialogue and grim stoicism to a Middle Ages setting, making for a genre that doesn't on paper seem deserving of much attention. And yet those who sit down and watch this particular film might find themselves surprised at the entertainment level of the film, especially if they've also sat through Cage's 3D farce this year.

Nic Cage: the same bed head since 1983

Teutonic knights Behman von Bleibruck (Cage) and Felson (Ron Perlman) return to their home country after years fighting in the Crusades, weary and angry at the church that ordered them to murder innocent women and children in His name. Fearless warriors, they find themselves in yet another war, one in which their sword skills will have no impact. The Black Death has ravaged the land of Styria, and the church leaders blame the arrival of a young woman (Claire Foy) for it, calling her a witch. They want Behman and Felson to escort the accused woman to a monastic church where she can be properly judged as to whether or not she is unholy. And so, with a small group behind them, the duo travel on a holy quest, ironic since neither has much love for religion at all.

"Oh, my God" takes on a whole different meaning

Naturally, it's this conflict of faiths that is the underlying tone of Season of the Witch, and the one taken most seriously by the film's script. In the beginning, Behman was an unquestioning follower of God, glad to do battle against His enemies. When the slaughter of innocents forces Behman to take a close look at what he has done, he rejects God, as he believes no real god would allow these atrocities to befall people. It is this mindset with which he agrees to escort the young woman, practically daring the church to prove their argument. The balance is well-regarded, as each member of the group has their own preconceived notions of what is good and evil as the quest begins, and the survivors learn to change their ideas as they go along. In short, this is one of the better "crisis of faith" plot lines I've seen committed to film in recent years.

Soap: it's what's for dinner

It's a shame then that the story and dialogue surrounding this idea are almost laughable in the face of judgment. Director Dominic Sena, who hasn't seemed to grow as a director since his 1993 debut Kalifonia (and arguably has diminished since then), is utterly unable weave tension into what is supposed to be an action movie. While the film does fine concerning the interactions between characters, this doesn't translate to the precious few action sequences, which are supposed to be the linchpin that brings the whole thing together. There's only so much "is she or isn't she" that we can take before it gets old, but Sena didn't get the memo, and focuses more on that than creating compelling battles. Even Conan the Barbarian did a better job of creating a viable universe of potential battle.

And here's where YOU'LL die...

Doing anything worse than Conan would be unforgivable in itself, but in the film as a whole there isn't a whole lot to appreciate here. Dialogue is delivered in dry, emotionless monotones, or at least it is when done so by Nicolas Cage. Cage actually turns in a decent performance given the material he's saddled with. Cage is no longer the wunderkind he was in his heyday, or even the modestly talented performer who could surprise you with films like 2002's Adaptation. These days his starring roles mainly consist of doing exactly what he does in Season of the Witch: enough. It's easy to see the roles that have been written for him; pithy catchphrases throughout with just enough wit sprinkled in to take advantage of his deadpan stares and straightforward delivery. It's difficult to really criticize him for slacking off on a movie, since I've seen him in worse THIS YEAR. As it is, when he states that "I serve the Church no more", even other characters make fun of him. At least some of the others seem to be having a good time, especially Perlman as Felson, lover of drink and women. Perlman does well in these types of roles, delivering each line of dialogue with an ear-to-ear grin on his face, or an overly dour grimace when the situation calls for it. Stephen Campbell Moore also manages to stand out, and is even given a few choice quips in order to earn a chuckle from the audience. Robert Sheehan, Ulrich Thomsen and Stephen Graham do serviceable jobs, but barely transcend their meager character attributes. Foy however is easily the most talented, the English TV star showing quite a bit of talent in her first Hollywood role. She really makes you wonder whether or not she is a force of evil, and is the most flexible, interesting character in the mix. Not bad when you consider that she spends almost the entirety of the movie locked in a cage.

No, this isn't some "babes behind bars" exploitation flick

Of course, one great performance doesn't make for an amazing movie-going experience, and when you consider the dearth of a special effects budget (which also hampered Sena's last attempt at moviemaking Whiteout) and a ridiculous twist that has to make the most of the aforementioned SFX, there isn't much to recommend Season of the Witch as anything more than an unintentionally funny trash film. If you really, REALLY want to see a historically-inspired "action" film that you will enjoy entirely based on how stoned you are - or if you just want to see any Nic Cage film - then Season of the Witch can be entertaining on that level alone. If however you actually want to see a GOOD film, you should slowly put this title back on the shelf, take a couple of steps back, and search elsewhere.

A Caged Beast

Nicolas Cage keeps making movies. People keep watching them. This has been going on for years, with seemingly no rhyme or reason to the ebb and flow of the Scion of Coppolla's career. His resume is littered with films that by anyone's standards trend on the positive side: Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, World Trade Center,  and Kick-Ass, not to mention his critically-acclaimed roles in the films Moonstruck, Leaving Las Vegas, and Adaptation. But those have been rare serious roles amid a sea of action titles like Next, Knowing, Bangkok Dangerous, Con Air, The Rock, etc. He and John Travolta started their action film careers at about the same time, but while Travolta has of late re-focused to more family friendly roles (and when your films do as badly as bomb From Paris with Love, who can blame you?), Cage has made more and more cheaply-made action films, including this year's violent thrillers Season of the Witch, Trespass, The Hungry Rabbit Jumps, and Drive Angry, the 3D film I saw in this past weekend. I realize I'm being critical of his career while at the same time having financed one of his films, but there is a method to my madness. Or more appropriately, CAGE's madness. If there's one thing Nicolas Cage does really well, it's play to his eccentric side. What he might lack in the variety of his performances is often made up for by his ability to play an entertaining madman. With Drive Angry's exaggeratedly left-field story and dialogue, it seemed the perfect fit for Cage's persona and temperament. I also figured that the 3D aspect of the film would be best enjoyed on the big screen, since there's no way in hell I'm dropping however much money it takes to get a 3D television until the technology grows a bit more.

There's a lot of driving here. And much of it is angry.

Taking it's plot from I'm sure dozens of sixties' and seventies' exploitation films, Drive Angry is about a very bad man named Milton (Cage), who escapes from the clutches of hell to hunt down the Satanic cult who murdered his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter. This group, led by the notorious Jonah King (Billy Burke), is going to sacrifice the child on the next full moon in an attempt to raise hell on Earth. Milton must face countless cultists with only his sidekick Piper (Amber Heard), many exotic firearms and a weapon referred to as "The God-Killer". Meanwhile, the agents of hell have sent The Accountant (William Fichtner) to force Milton back into the underworld, whether he wants to go or not.

Road rage takes on whole new meanings with Cage behind the wheel

For the record, this movie can be skipped on the big screen for more than one reason. The special effects are either grossly underfunded or ineptly implemented (or both), being simultaneously unimpressive and groan-inducing during what are supposed to be the film's most exciting moments. The gun play is well crafted, though at times the action is one-sided, with most of Milton's enemies unable to hit the broad side of a barn, of which the film has plenty. Best are the driving sequences, and especially the chases. It helps that the film seems to have a great respect for classic roadsters (if nothing else), and they're such a huge part of the film that it makes the experience somewhat more palatable than it would be otherwise.

A rare non-vehicular scene

This isn't to say the film is GOOD. One of the things that had to come off without a hitch to make the film fun was Cage's demeanor, but for the majority of Drive Angry that classic Cage craze is surprisingly light. Though he has some great dialogue (when told Lucifer will be mad with his escape, Milton replies "What's he going to do: not let me back in?"), and has some insane gunfight scenes (one in a love hotel alongside actress Charlotte Ross is particularly insane), it's entirely lacking in the charismatic Nic Cage I'd been hoping would show up. Most of his dialogue is delivered in the same monotonous tone, and sometimes it takes a moment to realize he's unleashed a one-liner. Better is Heard as former waitress Piper, who is always willing to give someone an old-fashioned redneck ass-kicking. Sometimes Piper bites off a bit more than she can chew, but Heard is mostly effective in a surprisingly strong role, proving she might have the talent to make for a long career. Burke, a long-time character actor who is probably best known for his appearances in the Twilight series of films, is both charismatic and creepy as the film's cult leader. Completely crazy and unlikable, Burke does an amazing job with the role, even if it feels at times a bit one note-ish. Best of the bunch is Fichtner, however, who completely makes the film with his dry, vulgar dialogue. Playing Satan's right-hand man, Fichtner is such a bad-ass that everything that comes out of his mouth is comedy gold. When he tells someone in a clipped, dismissive tone "I'll see you soon," it's hilarious just to see the looks on their faces as they try to ascertain what he could mean. The Accountant also doesn't let anything get between him and his prey without breaking out the violence (in excess) when necessary, either. If there's one thing I didn't like about Fichtner's performance, it's that there wasn't ENOUGH of him, something I wish I could say about the more-heralded Cage.

"Breaker, breaker! We got us a convoy!"

Unfortunately, the film's stupidity and poor effects drive most of the enjoyment out of what could have been a fun, simple, old-school action film. A hackneyed final act puts the cap on it, and for the time being Drive Angry is slated at #7 (dead last) on my list of 2010's best films. What's possibly most disturbing about this film is that, unlike the previous Cage films that had fans lining up around the block to see, Drive Angry finished a disappointing ninth at the box office, well behind the offensive Farrelly Bros. film Hall Pass. It had to be a shock to producers, who had expected Cage to rake in guaranteed dough, not put out the worst-debuting 3D film of the modern era. My opinion is this: 3D films are more expensive to make, more expensive to show, and therefore more expensive to see. At the theater I frequent, seeing a normal film will set you back $11.50. Seeing a 3D film will instead cost you $15.50, a four-dollar difference that might seem innocuous at first until you start plopping on added concessions like popcorn and soda, and suddenly that extra $4 is money you could spend elsewhere. I know one bomb doesn't make a trend, but I wonder if this is what some producers are thinking: what if viewers have set a price limit for seeing a Nicolas Cage film?