Double Feature: The Counselor and All Is Lost

With Halloween past us and more and more titles hitting local theaters, there are a lot of options from which to choose. Adults especially have no end of options, as only a few releases in the coming months will be even remotely geared towards kids (Free Birds, anyone?). So which ones are worth your ten (or more) bucks? Here are a couple of considerations.

Ridley Scott... what the heck happened? I mean, I know a ton of folk were disappointed with the renowned director's return to both science fiction and the Alien universe in last year's underwhelming and confusing Prometheus, but I never imagined it might actually get worse. There, his confused storytelling was at least partially made up for by his technical wizardry. In The Counselor, an all-star cast cannot make up for that that aforementioned poor plotting and an editing process that is as uneven as such ventures can ever get.

Michael Fassbender plays the titular character, a lawyer who gets involved in shady business dealings with the Mexican cartel due to money problems. But when an expected (and lucrative) shipment is hijacked en route, the criminal organization comes to believe that he is involved, putting any and all of his friends in immediate danger at the same time.

You will learn absolutely nothing about these people.

If The Counselor has one strength, it's the outstanding cast. Besides the always-strong Fassbender, Brad Pitt and Javier Bardem also put in noteworthy performances, really putting some personality into this crime thriller. Cameron Diaz also surprises in a role that is both her best performance in years, and her most shocking (unlike Bad Teacher, which was just shockingly bad). Diaz will do things as an actress here that you've never seen before, and come off as the best part of the movie. Only Penelope Cruz appears completely wasted as a casting choice, given little to do and bad dialogue to do it with. Actually, this is a problem with all the actors, as characters are barely fleshed out and motivations are all but unexplored. What you're left with is an aimless cast reciting endless repetitive monologues explaining the nature of the story, instead of actually showing us any of the interesting bits.

Cameron goes after that Oscar.

This is largely the fault of screenwriter Cormac McCarthy. In his first screenplay since 1976 (and the first to be given feature film treatment), the novelist fails to reign in his enthusiasm for the complex story and the result just isn't pretty. It would be easier to blame Scott, but it's obvious the director did absolutely everything he could with a screenplay that treats little things like the passage of time as an inconvenience. Scott captures the beauty of sweeping landscapes with his camera, and captures the gritty underworld in which our characters find themselves. Another issue he has to deal with as a director however is that there are far too many players in the game. Scott is forced to weave a narrative that is constantly weighed down by about a half-dozen side characters - each with their own arc - with each absolutely necessary to the overly-complicated plot. That wouldn't even be so bad if the leads had anything noteworthy to do; they absolutely do not.

Stetsons are cool, now.

If there's any consolation for Scott, it's that - unlike Prometheus - there really wasn't anything he could DO to make The Counselor good. This kind of high-concept story definitely would have worked better as a novel, and McCarthy should not give up his (undoubtedly lucrative) day job. This film is about as far from a must-see as you can get, and while it's not quite as bad as last year's Killing Them Softly, it runs that same vein of slow-paced, violent crime thrillers, and may appeal to fans of that set. But when a cast and director this good are wasted on a screenplay this bad, nobody is walking away clean.

There's a small, but still decent chance you realized that All is Lost existed. Starring resurgent Oscar winner Robert Redford (after a break, he appeared earlier this year in The Company You Keep and will have a big role in 2014's Captain America: Winter Soldier) and captained by Margin Call (I haven't seen it yet but hear wonderful things) director J.C. Chandor, this is the survival-against-all-odds movie everybody would be talking about if it weren't for the mere existence of Gravity.

Redford plays a nameless sailor, whose private ship "The Virginia Jean" undergoes some of the worst luck you can have when in the middle of the Indian Ocean. First, the boat is struck by a lost shipping container, which rips a hole out of the hull and fries all the electronics in one fell swoop (including the navigational equipment, radio and all wireless communication). Then, after our hero manages to patch up the hole, a storm hits that finishes the cargo container's job. Adrift and with little chance of rescue, Redford's character must do everything in his power to make it back home.

He's looking a little rough around the gills, there.

All is Lost is unlike any similar film you've seen before, with the first divergence being the complete lack of character backstory. As I mentioned before, Redford's character doesn't have a name. We also learn nothing about his family, friends, or reasons for being all alone on that side of the planet. Most movies would attend to those aspects with multiple voice-overs, something All is Lost proudly does not provide. In fact, with the exception of a couple of sentences spoken at the very beginning of the film (and a few incidental outbursts), there's really no dialogue at all. All by his lonesome, Redford's character speaks so infrequently that when he does he usually has to clear his vocal chords from inactivity (I can just imagine Redford refusing to speak on the set in preparation for the role). There is no CGI tiger, nor a volleyball named Wilson, to keep him company, and I'm certain a lesser actor would not have been able to put together such a brilliant silent performance as we see here. Even at 77, Redford reminds us why he's such a renowned actor, as he not only does most of his own stunts but carries an entire film without the need to even open his mouth.

Huh. That doesn't look encouraging.

Unfortunately, that brings with it its own set of problems. As I stated earlier, I never saw Chandor's rookie effort Margin Call, so I have little experience (like most) with his style of directing. And to his credit, he certainly does a great job capturing shots and helping his lone actor maintain that image of the bleak atmosphere of being lost at sea. But without character interaction, we're left with only character activity, and half of this film follows the actor performing acts that may confuse and bore anybody who does not sail on a regular basis. Chandor does a little bit to help, making sure we see the clearly printed signs on things like the "Life Raft" and "Survival Supplies", but those moments are inconsistent with the vast majority of the film, where we're shown things that MIGHT be important, but we're unsure why.

He ain't singin' in the rain.

You'd be forgiven for thinking that - sight unseen - you might have already seen all that All is Lost has to offer. You'd be wrong, however, as the tandem of Chandor and Redford make for an impressive movie, if not necessarily one you NEED to see in theaters. This is a brave production, one that really takes a good, long look at the human spirit and leaves you hanging until the very last moment to see whether it is found lacking. Thematically, it is very similar to Gravity (if a bit in reverse), and since Alfonso Cuaron's drama is DEFINITELY a must-see on the big screen, this being in theaters so soon after seems like a bit of a scheduling misstep. Redford is certainly enough reason to check it out (though Oscar predictions might be a bit out of reach), and Chandor does a good enough job, despite his inexperience as a filmmaker. But if it comes down to this or Gravity (and really, why haven't you seen it yet?), the choice is glaringly obvious. Check out All is Lost only after you first surpass that hurdle.

Bad... Just Bad

Sometimes as a film reviewer I absolutely KNOW when I'm going to hate a movie well before I've purchased a ticket for entry. While some films have surprised me as to the levels of their suckitude, such as Sucker Punch, many more have met expectations well below even baseline standards, their ranks flush with titles like The Eagle, Your Highness, and Red Riding Hood. At a certain point I can only justify so much, and often I go into a theater knowing that I won't emerge pleased with the experience, ready to warn you my readers of crimes against your sensibilities and your wallets. Bad Teacher is another in that growing list of titles in which I knew any preexisting standards would be too high. For one, I can't think of a single film I'VE seen where Cameron Diaz has proven her star status. Sure, she was good in The Mask, but what has she done lately that has been remotely interesting? Secondly, the trailers seemed to rely on vulgarity over anything actually comedic, a sad trend to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Finally, the story that was presented came down to a complete insult to educators in general, portraying the "hero" of the tale as someone who doesn't care at all about her students, only bothering with them when there's something in it for her. As someone who is friends with teachers and holds great respect for the work they do, I couldn't help but feel like this subversive fantasy paints these hard-working sorts in a negative light with little to no redemption on the horizon.

So who's the bigger tool?

Elizabeth Halsey (Diaz) dislikes her chosen profession as a teacher, a career that she for some reason at one point chose. After a failed engagement to a rich sucker ended an early attempt to quit teaching, Elizabeth is forced to return to the classroom she hates. Determined to escape, she tries to gain the attentions of the new substitute teacher Scott Delacorte (Justin Timberlake), who has a substantial family fortune, and to that end is trying to save up for a super expensive boob job. Elizabeth is confronted on many sides, however; the teacher across the hall, Amy Squirrell (Lucy Punch), suspects the worst in Elizabeth, while gym teacher Russell Gettis (Jason Segel) vies for her affections.

Diaz won this year's "Wrinkled Fish" competition hands down

I'm really not sure where the appeal for this type of film lies. It's certainly not in the storytelling, which is haphazard and all over the place like a drunk driver on New Year's Day. That's an appropriate comparison to Elizabeth, who is so unlikable that it's amazing that she's portrayed as the hero of the tale, not to mention a potential romantic interest for not one but two characters. Is it me, or is the whole notion of the "good guy" being the person who has no compulsion to help her students out of the goodness of her heart while the "bad guy" is one who actually has the interests and well-being of the children in mind completely insane? Not helping matters is the focus of the film. Concentrating on the three least sympathetic characters does Bad Teacher no favors, with the story and dialogue failing to provide amusement through either comedy or commentary. There's nothing here about the rigors, excitement or rewards of being a teacher; students are mere caricatures and the people making up the faculty aren't much better.

The most balls the film can muster

A little bit of humanity wouldn't have hurt, especially distributed among the main cast. What attracted Diaz to this offensive role is in serious question, as she usually chooses more audience-friendly fare in which to be seen, such as the crowd-pleasing Charlie's Angels. I guess she liked the idea of being part in such a foul-mouthed comedy, but there's very little to the character Elizabeth Halsey that is either challenging or deep. Diaz is fine as a uncaring educator, but this is just more proof of a low-ceiling role that Diaz takes to make a buck while neglecting to challenge herself, which is why she's not and will never be a top-flight talent. Timberlake is similarly wasted, as even his trademark charm does him no good with the realization that his character is a brainless tool, deserving of neither Elizabeth's nor our admiration. Unlike last year's Social Network, which utilized near the entirety of Timberlake's charisma, there's no reason this film couldn't have cast a nobody performer; the audience probably wouldn't have noticed the difference. Punch is the best of the three, but of course her character is villainized due solely to her opposing Elizabeth. She does get a few moments to shine, but she's neither a well-known enough actress nor particularly consistent enough to engage us.

No, those aren't Muppets with Segel, but I can see what you're talking about

It's with the secondary characters of Bad Teacher where you can start to see where things could have gone right for the film. Jason Segel is great in his smallish role of the gym teacher with interests in Elizabeth. Segel does a great job with these "nice guy" roles, further evidenced here with a character that is as fun to watch as he is underutilized. This also comes through as the film uses its smaller roles to inflict its best impacts upon the audience, with Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet, The Office's Phyllis Smith, and Reno 911's Thomas Lennon sharing not only the best dialogue and comedic elements, but the film's best overall acting talent with Segel

Why do I suddenly have Fountains of Wayne going through my head?

I could go on for paragraphs about the twisted morality of rooting between the characters of Elizabeth and Amy Squirrell, but I have no interest in giving this film more attention than it deserves. Among the worst that 2011 has so far offered, Bad Teacher could have been more than the obtuse, crude fantasy for the teachers out there who really hate their jobs, but not by much. This is likely the worst from director Jake Kasdan, and since he was responsible for the farce that was Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, that says a lot about what I thought of this Bad Teacher. There are a lot of forgivable crimes in the world of film and Hollywood, but a comedy that isn't funny doesn't get a lot of respect or leniency from me, and it shouldn't from you, either.

Worst or Best? Time Will Tell

Finally, we get around to the 2011 film watching only to remember that most stuff that comes out in January is absolute crap. Oh, there's the occasional gem, but for the most part January is the month where almost every new release is either the dregs from the production company's cutting room floor or an expanded release on something released in New York or L.A. already for the sole purpose of qualifying for the Academy Awards. If you're a legitimate 2011 film released in January, it's a good chance the boys upstairs either think you have no chance of gaining critical acclaim or you're a big-budget action film released solely to make a big payoff during a slow month. And if you're The Green Hornet, both may apply. In spades.

Ah, for the days when things were simple...

The long-in-production film (which had been in development in some capacity since at least 1993) finally came out this month, though I seriously doubt it's been a film most people have been waiting for. Directed by Michael Gondry, the film's big draw was its 3D implementation, by far now the most overused technology from the past year. Though there seems to be no need for 3D or IMAX when you see the trailers for The Green Hornet, someone big obviously decided that it was the way to go. The Hornet's been around seemingly forever, from radio shows in the 30's to film serials in the 40's, a TV show in the 60's and many comic book series. Despite this, the character is simply written off as a Batman clone while in fact predating the caped crusader by three years. But is the combined acting and writing of film star Seth Rogen enough to derail the film more than previously expected?

An early shot of Rogen securing the writing credits for The Green Hornet

Seth Rogen stars as Britt Reid, full time party-goer and heir to his father's (Tom Wilkinson) media empire. Never having a strong relationship with his father, Britt nevertheless mourns when dear ol' da dies under mysterious circumstances. Deciding to make something of his life, Britt teams up with his house servant and friend Kato (Jay Chou) and takes to the streets in an Imperial Crown sedan dubbed The Black Beauty as the hero known only as The Green Hornet. Meanwhile, Russian gangster Benjamin Chudnofsky (Christoph Waltz) takes his aggressive brand of violence to the streets of Los Angeles to weed out the competition and rid himself of these new crime fighters.

Older woman, younger man... That's different, I suppose

The first half of the film is actually quite enjoyable, with the "origin" story for the Hornet believable and succinct. Painted against the backdrop of a crime-ridden LA, the division between the rich upper class and the poorer sections of the city is as distinct as the differences between Britt and his father, who he sees as something of an ass. When the film starts and its just Britt and Kato messing around and having fun, even when they start kicking ass as the new superhero duo, the film is a lot of fun to watch. Even allowing for the mediocre and unnecessary 3D conversion, there are some cool scenes and it helps that the leads are as charismatic as they are. Don't get me wrong: Seth Rogen is COMPLETELY miscast as the hero type, he's something of an arrogant fool who uses his wealth to go through with what many would consider a stupid idea and dismiss it before too long. Still, he's the kind of guy you'd like to sit down and drink a beer with, at least until he hit on your girlfriend and you knocked him cold. "Over the top" would be the perfect phrase to describe his performance, as he quickly becomes too much to bear. On the other hand, Chou is well cast as the enigmatic Kato. The award-winning Taiwanese singer, songwriter, director and actor makes his American film debut and doesn't feel at all out of place filling the shoes once worn by legendary martial artist Bruce Lee. The two actors have great chemistry together (a must in any buddy film) and for the first half an hour to forty-five minutes it's enough to keep me entertained.

Gotta love Chudnofsky's double-barreled pistol

Sadly, after those initial moments I began to get restless as the film gets far too meandering and cliched. First of all, while Waltz is convincing as the self-conscious Russian antagonist, the part isn't well written in the slightest. Waltz is on that post-Oscar kick where you can do whatever you want and get paid tons of money to do it because, well, when you win an Academy Award it opens so many doors you're not sure where to go. That's why so many Oscar winners (see: Cuba Gooding, Jr) go on to have such unfulfilled careers after winning the big award, since they have so many bad options it's hard to pick the diamonds out of the rough. Cameron Diaz's appearance as the film's love interest also summons some demons out of the plot, as she's immediately treated as a romantic target for both Britt and Kato, eventually leading to a partner-breaking feud between the two. Original, huh? But I'll give Diaz credit: her character refuses to be a simple female token and has enough brains to be her own person outside of the main duo. Diaz is up to the task and puts on one of her better performances in recent years. Take that for what you will. The rest of the cast are largely unimportant, though I'll give any casting agent credit for putting into this film Wilkinson, Edward James Olmos and The Wire's Chad Coleman. Each are great actors in their own right and Olmos never gets enough credit for his gritty, down-to-earth demeanor. Wilkinson is an ass for his small role, but does a fine job with it. All in all, the supporting cast has the better talent but the leads get all the story.

Definitely NOT in the running for an Academy Award

We all have to start off somewhere, and this year I started off with what at best could be a hopped up, mediocre explosion fest. There's some good here, most especially Chou and Waltz, but not nearly enough to really recommend for even the average audience member. The writing and dialogue get annoying fast, the plot is silly and full of holes, and the 3D isn't good enough to make you forget that there was no real reason to put it in anyway. It may debut at #1 on 2011's Top 10 Films, but being number one on a list with one title ought to see this film quickly drop down the list in the months to come. If you wanted to see it then I won't tell you not to, but if you didn't want to see it in the first place, you made the right choice in my eyes.