"Ender's Game" a Close Win

There are two men out there named Orson Scott Card. One is the beloved author whose novels managed to win both major US prizes for science fiction (the Hugo and the Nebula) in two consecutive years, making him the only man to do so. His singular novel, Ender's Game, is practically required reading, having become so well-known since its release in 1985. The book surprisingly predicted many modern developments, from drone warfare to the internet to tablet computers like the iPad you're reading this on. In short, Card is one of the most prolific Sci-fi authors, right up there with Isaac Asimov and Ray Bradbury. The OTHER Orson Scott Card is the homophobic individual living in Greensboro, North Carolina, whose well-known opposition to same sex marriage has caused a ton of backlash as groups sought to boycott Ender's Game, the film based on his seminal work. Even film distributor Lionsgate distanced themselves as much as they could from this man, fearing the fallout over the controversy for their $110 million product. Do either of these men leave a lasting mark on what has actually landed in theaters?

Battle School can't even splurge on some camouflage sleepwear?

In 2086, an invasion by the alien species known as the Formics practically decimates the planet Earth. The heroics of our military was just enough to drive them off, but the government fears an even stronger return. Determined to adapt their strategies and discover the next great commander, they assemble the best known minds on the planet in a space station designated "Battle School" under the command of Colonel Graff (Harrison Ford). Ender Wiggin (Asa Butterfield) is the smartest of the bunch, a loner who constantly finds himself bullied by those larger than him, but who also possesses a keen strategic mind that puts everyone - especially those who doubt him - to shame. As Ender rises through the ranks and gains friends and allies, he awaits his greatest challenge; taking the fight to the Formics and end the threat to Earth once and for all.

The only reason he's wearing yellow is that it makes him a brighter target.

For all the fuss about supporting Card's story, he really doesn't have all that much to do with the production of the movie itself. Yes, he is listed as a "producer", but in this case that's really an honorific due to his providing the source material. Instead, the screenplay is penned by director Gavin Hood, who rebounds nicely from the cringe-worthy disaster that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. He takes the book and adapts the tale nicely, spreading the major events and many minor ones nicely over the course of a two-hour feature. Given almost total control over the start of this potential franchise, Hood proves his mettle in both character development (well, mostly, as we'll see later) and action, with the film's special effects being among the best in theaters this year (and I saw this on an IMAX screen, so I would have noticed the imperfections). While certainly not living up to the visual achievements of Gravity, Hood's rendition of outer space is still astounding, and his set pieces are all well-designed and beautiful to the discerning eye. A great SFX team was put together here, and under Hood's direction they succeed in building this futuristic universe and replicating Card's vision.

Explosions in space are amazing!

Hood is more than ably assisted by a talented cast, anchored especially by its younger actors. Butterfield hasn't been seen since 2011's excellent Hugo, and here he shows off another side to his acting ability. While written perhaps a tad blandly, the young performer quickly turns Ender Wiggin into someone the audience can easily root for, and keeps that momentum going throughout the film. You really get a feel for the extremes with the character, as Ender tries to balance his duties as the hero of humanity with the neuroses and desires that come from being a kid. Also excellent are Hailee Steinfeld, who steals many a scene as Ender's friend and compatriot Petra, and Abigail Breslin, who has a few appearances as our protagonist's Earth-bound sister. The veterans also get to show off a bit, as both Ben Kingsley and Viola Davis do their jobs as supporting characters well. Only Harrison Ford feels forced, his gruff military man a clear phone-in and ultimately a disappointment after his impressive turn in 42.

Ford: still flying Solo. 

While Ender's Game is definitely a solid movie, it does have a few wrinkles that never quite even out. Despite Hood's best efforts, the story feels rushed, as Ender must navigate nearly a dozen major plot points within the little time given. This means that many minor characters are severely underdeveloped, and their burgeoning relationships to the film's hero are a bit sketchy at best. A bit more padding would have sufficed in filling some of the more egregious holes, but considering how hard it is for parents to keep their kids still, it's understandable that the studio wouldn't have wanted to tack on an additional twenty minutes where it wasn't completely necessary. More of a letdown is the distinct lack of 3D offerings. I know, I'm the guy who usually criticizes 3D as gimmicky, especially when it's poorly implemented. But the the special effects here were MADE for 3D conversion, the gorgeous space scenes and complex indoor battlefields practically popping out of the screen already. The lack of this tech is questionable for a few reasons, mainly because it would seem natural for the genre but also because 3D will often help sell your movie to overseas markets. After all, Paramount delayed GI Joe: Retaliation for nearly nine months when they realized how much of a financial bump 3D conversion would get them across the world. Why did Lionsgate fail to make this happen? Especially with a big-budget sci-fi epic that has had more than its share of problems these days?

Welcome to Battle School. You'll never learn most of their names.

So should you overcome your hatred of that second Orson Scott Card and see this movie on the big screen? Well, yeah. It ought to be noted that Card is not making a cent off of the box office draw; he was paid a sum for an early draft of the screenplay (that was later scrapped), but other than that he's making no money off of this adaptation of his work. So if you decide to get out the movies and check this out, don't worry; you are in no way supporting him financially. More importantly, Ender's Game is a fun, smart, and excitingly epic tale that takes you a galaxy away and deep into one of science fiction's most well-known tales. Yes, there's other fantastical fare out there right now in Thor, but if you've already seen that Marvel production and are excitedly awaiting next week's The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, then this is another film you should add to your must-watch list.

Suit Up

With the release of Iron Man 3 this past Friday, Marvel studios officially kicks off their much-awaited "Phase Two", a series of films that leads up to 2015's anticipated sequel The Avengers 2. Starting the ball rolling with Iron Man and making it work was very important for two big reasons. First, Robert Downey Jr.'s irreverent interpretation of Marvel's "genius billionaire playboy philanthropist" is easily the most popular of its superheroes, widely out-grossing the still-successful films featuring fellow Avengers Captain America, Thor and the Hulk at the box office. Second, while the newest sequel is seen more as a followup to Joss Whedon's excellent The Avengers than it is to the previous Iron Man titles, it still carries the stain of coming after 2010's terrible Iron Man 2, easily one of the worst released that year. And so Iron Man 3's co-writer/director Shane Black (taking over from the departing Jon Favreau) upped the ante by introducing Iron Man's strongest foe (The Mandarin, played by Ben Kingsley) and one of the original comic book's most famous stories, as the movie is loosely based on Warren Ellis' 2005-2006 Extremis storyline. Top it off with more Iron suits than one man could possibly have use for (or so one would think) and you have all the makings of a potentially amazing Iron Man sequel.

This is his indoor attire.

Following the events of The Avengers, Tony Stark (Downey) is trying to get back into his daily routine as a billionaire inventor with a great girlfriend in Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) and an amazing gig as famous world-saving superhero Iron Man. But he's having difficulties sleeping, his worldview irrevocably changed by the events in New York City, and exacerbated by the terror attacks of The Mandarin (Kingsley), an international criminal guilty of bombings around the globe. When one of those attacks hits a little close to home, Stark gets it in his head that he will handle the menace, exposing himself and everything he holds dear to urgent danger. But everything is not what it seems, and soon his past comes back to haunt him. Surrounded by enemies, Stark must rely on his wits if he wants to survive what comes next.

However, he cheats at Rock Paper Scissors

Shane black does an excellent job pulling together his own rendition of an Iron Man story while melding it with the existing cinematic mythos. His signature black humor fits in nicely with where Favreau had gone before, and his history with Downey (the pair worked together on the cult favorite Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) makes great use of the tongue-in-cheek storytelling that comes from their pairing. Black has a great feel for directing - as much as Downey does playing - Tony Stark, one of the few superheroes more interesting in his everyday manner than he is in costume, unlike "mild-mannered" Clark Kent or boring entrepeneur Bruce Wayne. In fact, the whole second act of the film features Stark without working armor in the middle of Tennessee (sans southern accents, strangely) and teamed up with a precocious brat (Ty Simpkins), and it's the best part of the whole movie. Black's ability to avoid cliched pitfalls works wonders for his star; Stark is eccentric and confident and yet plagued by demons, as three-dimensional as a character in comics can get these days. And that's even BEFORE he straps himself into a flying tin can and fights evil. To that end, The director also does a great job humanizing Stark's world and pits him against more grounded villains, while still keeping the supernatural and super-powered elements of the Marvel universe.

Might be time for a tune-up.

Black also does an excellent job directing the required action scenes, especially considering his relative lack of experience. Sure, he carries a massive special effects budget behind him, but had he failed he certainly wouldn't have been the first director to balk under the pressure of a major production. Instead the visual effects are flawless, the fight choreography is well-done, and there always seems to be a reason behind every action. The action sequences, from my personal favorite of Iron Man attempting to rescue seventeen people thrown from a plane to a battle royale between dozens of automated armored suits and an equal number of super-powered baddies, are expertly conceived, and while not everything works perfectly it does manage to at least match the intensity of what we've come to expect from this franchise.

You never see a good performance from him coming.

Unfortunately, while Downey is amazing as Stark, his side characters leave a lot to be desired. In most cases, it's an example of incomplete character development rather than lack of acting talent that sabotages these roles, though in the case of Rebecca Hall it manages to be both. Sadly, Paltrow wasn't much better, despite being a perfect down-to-earth foil for Downey's perfectly flamboyant performance. She's simply not given enough to do, and when she is the results are underwhelming. The same can be said for Don Cheadle, whose return as the military equivalent of Stark can be summed-up in two words: "paint job." Favreau also returns in an acting role, and shows that the expansion of his character wasn't remotely necessary. The villains are definitely better, with Guy Pearce once again showing that he should have made it to the big time years ago. But while Pearce is great, moreso is Kingsley, who terrifies despite relatively little screen time. Both make excellent bad guys, although if there is a failure it's that their motivations are never fully made clear. Still, it's better than the plain silly villain we sat through in Iron Man 2. That was just insulting.

And now, the ultimate test of her antiperspirant.

There are also some storytelling gaffes, not the least of which are the murky goals of the bad guys or the pointlessness of the secondary characters. Besides that, Iron Man 3 gets a little... dark in the latter half, with Tony Stark becoming a bit more amoral than most of his superhero bretheren (actually, he's about on par with Christopher Nolan's Batman, and not in a good way). While that might not be the best side-effect of Black's command, at least it can be forgiven by the fact that it matches the mood of the scene. Also, minor plot threads such as Tony's supposed post-traumatic stress disorder and relationship woes with Pepper are introduced in the first act, only to be resolved without explanation by the end of the second. Okay, they might have been a bit out of place (especially the PTSD) in a family-friendly action flick, but in that case why introduce them at all? There's also a nice, probably unexpected twist that might upset a few fanboys, but audiences ought to get a kick out of it. Finally, the ending is a bit TOO clean, to the point where an opening isn't left for potential future sequels. When we were introduced to this new Marvel movie universe, our understanding was that heroes would continue on, with or without their original actors. If this is Downey Jr's last Iron Man flick, Black and company definitely didn't leave it open for anybody else to take up the reigns in the future. And when the future shows at least two more Avengers pictures, that's an odd oversight.

Poker night's going to get a bit rowdy.

In the end, Iron Man 3 is easily the best movie we've seen in 2013, though that was admittedly an easy task. In some ways it's the best of the current Marvel crop, and in others it doesn't quite match up with the fun and intensity of the first Iron Man. Still, while it's still no match for The Avengers, it a great movie and a major step up after the Iron Man 2 debacle. Yes, you'll probably have to go back and rewatch all of those movies to understand what exactly is going on, but is that really such a bad thing? Iron Man is fun, funny, action-packed and simply amazing. Hopefully this won't be the last time we get to see Downey don the red and gold, but if it is at least he goes out on a spectacularly high note. This is as close to "must-see" as summer blockbusters get, despite even its most glaring flaws. If you're even remotely interested in comic books, explosive action and expressive humor, this is your jam.

Follow the Supreme Leader

When I first saw the trailer for Sacha Baron Cohen's latest farcical satire, The Dictator, I definitely had high hopes. While on the surface it looked dumber than dirt, the movie nonetheless showed a bit of the charm and humor that made Cohen's previous films Borat and Bruno worldwide hits. The Dictator became one of my more anticipated summer releases, as more and more viewings of the trailer cemented itself into my good graces. Then the second trailer was released. While in some ways funnier than the first, I couldn't help but feel a little let down. Instead of being another in the series of mockumentaries that made Cohen the star that he is today, this latest entry turns out to be a story-driven comedy, featuring Cohen as a North African ruler dethroned and forced to actually work for his next meal. Add Ben Kingsley as his chief of staff and Anna Faris as a resident New Yorker who takes the former despot under her wing, and you have a film that goes far out of its way to be nowhere close to what I expected. Still, it had the potential to out-funny 21 Jump Street, and I always have more fun watching R-rated comedies than I think I would going in. They always seem to surprise me in some way, and while Seth MacFarlane's Ted looks great, I was betting on The Dictator to be the summer's best adult comedy.

Well, this made the Gay Pride Parade a bit awkward...

Admiral General Aladeen (Cohen) is the racist, sexist, anti-western and antisemitic ruler of Wadiya, a rogue North African nation that would be rich off the sales off its oil reserves, were Aladeen's numerous human rights violations and rumors of nuclear weapons development not the cause of numerous United Nations sanctions and threats of military actions from the world's leaders. Threatened by attack, Aladeen and his entourage visit New York City to lie to the UN about their nuclear program, only for the leader of Wadiya to be betrayed by his uncle and second in command, Tamir (Ben Kingsley). Replaced by an easily-manipulated double, stripped of his trademark beard and stranded in the slums of NYC, Aladeen must partner with former political prisoner Nadal (Jason Mantzoukas) in order to infiltrate the UN, reclaim his position of power and prevent the ultimate evil from descending upon his native Wadiya: Democracy. And he might even get lucky with feminist vegan human rights activist Zoey (Anna Faris) while he's at it.

"You don't understand... I like to be in Amer-i-ca!"

Right from the start you can tell how ridiculous the whole thing is going to be, as the film opens with a dedication to the memory of North Korea's former leader Kim Jong-il. From there, it is a constant barrage of political satire, wildly inappropriate humor, and more wrong than a week's worth of Fox News broadcasts.Cohen obviously had a lot of inspiration in creating the model for his Wadiyan dictator, from  Saddam Hussein to Libya's Muammar Qaddafi (complete with Amazonian Guard) and just about anyone with political clout in Iran. Considering the atrocities those leaders had amassed in just the past decade, let alone the entirety of their reigns, you can imagine how difficult it is to create something borne from them that could actually be funny. Cohen's response to that is to act just as outrageously as humanly possible, and for the most part his approach actually works. The Dictator at its best features no direct involvement with the plot, but is in the gratuitous asides that cause you to shriek with unexpected laughter at the trials of the idiotic deposed ruler. Whether it is the flashbacks of ordering the executions of his people for inane reasons, asking a police officer how much he charges for assassinations or the efforts of his "work" at an organic food store, the film is absolutely at its best when little is actually happening, and Cohen is allowed to go buck wild and let us enjoy his efforts.

Which one is more used to working on their back, I wonder?

It's the story that unfortunately derails the whole process, and makes you wonder just why Cohen and director Larry Charles steered clear of the mockumentary style that had served them so well in their previous efforts. If The Dictator had simply been a faux documentary about Aladeen's trip to America, I'm sure the humor overall would have carried the hour and a half it took to watch this movie. As it stands, the plot is silly (in a bad way), forcing our hero (yeah, I'm using the term loosely) into a character growth spurt that can't possibly be sustained in any way, and for the sake of entertaining the audience, it isn't. I guess since Cohen did so well in Scorcese's Hugo, he thought he could take some of those elements and make The Dictator even better than Borat. While I genuinely loved Hugo, and by extension Cohen's work in it, he and Charles combined are no Scorcese. Even worse is the love story, which somehow conspires to pair Aladeen with a women who represents everything he hates... and then makes it work! I don't usually get uber-political, but there is no way a vegan, feminist, organic-consuming, human rights activist would ever have anything to do with Aladeen, who hates everything and generally views women as sex objects. Zoey is also apparently business-inept, as it is the intervention of Aladeen that ultimately saves her fortunes. Faris' character is the perfect example of what is wrong with women in film, and it doesn't help that the perpetually-disappointing actress is unable to keep up with Cohen on a humor level to balance out the dynamic.

Ah, this is the Kingsley role I had gotten used to. I was worried after he was actually GOOD in Hugo.

The Dictator has some great moments, and a speech at the end in which Aladeen tells the UN what is so great about his brand of rule (best lines include 1% of people having all the wealth, "free press" actually owned by one family, and nobody complaining when you place excessively numerous members of a particular race in prison) is truly inspired, as is a helicopter tour over the city of New York, and the brief shot of the Wadiyan Olympic Games (sadly plopped in at the very beginning). The soundtrack also charms, with Middle Eastern music artists remixing tracks like Dr. Dre's 'Next Episode', R.E.M.'s 'Everybody Hurts', and Dolly Parton's '9 to 5', translating them into foreign speech. Ultimately, though, this is the type of comedy you feel bad about laughing at, especially when you consider just how many rape jokes the script features (I stopped counting after the first dozen). It is Cohen's excellent delivery and timing that make up 99% of the laughs you'll get out of The Dictator, and they are all definitely earned. Still, in a world where a Hollywood film makes most of its revenue from foreign markets, it's difficult to imagine Cohen and Charles' latest effort getting out of the United States without causing a holy war, even if you tightly regulated the releases. This film features one of the world's top satirists definitely off his game, and that's a shame, as a better story might have forced its way into the Top 10. Instead it will settle somewhere in the pack, disappointing not only Cohen's fans, but anyone who hoped for an R-Rated comedy in the same league as 21 Jump Street. The Dictator goes out of its way to offend everybody, but if you're a woman, Jewish, Korean, feminist, Middle Eastern, a New Yorker, a parent, or in any way liberal, you'd be right to think that you've been singularly targeted, and might wish to stay away.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a Wadiyan warlord to evade.

"I am Admiral General Aladeen, and I do not approve of this message."

"Hugo", not Weaving

There might not be a more celebrated director in Hollywood today than Martin Scorcese. The artist, who has been making groundbreaking films since the seventies, is renowned not only for his ability to create great cinema, but for also building a fundamentally different experience every time out, a skill not many of his peers can claim. For all that however, Scorcese has never made a film like Hugo until now. It must have surprised some when he announced he was going to make a PG-rated film in 3D (two firsts for the director) based on the not-exceptionally-well-known children's book The Invention of Hugo Cabret, by Brian Selznick. I mean, this is the guy who made serious adult fare like Taxi Driver and Raging Bull; Goodfellas and Casino; Gangs of New York, The Aviator and The Departed. Compared to these awe-inducing titles, at first glance Hugo feels grossly out of place; a rogue family film hanging with the big boys.

We needn't have worried, however. After seeing Hugo, I'm quite happy naming it one of 2011's best films, and possibly one of Scorcese's best works in recent years. The story follows young orphan Hugo Cabret (Asa Butterfield), who lives within the walls of a Parisian rail station, maintaining the building's clocks without anyone knowing. While trying to stay out of the way of the station's security inspector Gustav (Sasha Baron Cohen), Hugo attempts to fix an old automaton, or wind-up machine, that he used to work on with his father, a deceased clockmaker (Jude Law). This eventually gets him into trouble, but a chance encounter and budding friendship with the curious Isabelle (Chloe Grace Moretz) helps him put together the final pieces of the puzzle and try to find his purpose in the world.

Yes, Ben Kingsley is in this film. No, that doesn't automatically mean it's bad

Because this film is based on a book that's not mainstream enough to be common knowledge, most viewers probably won't and can't automatically assume what is going to happen as the story is presented to them. Unlike the Twilight or Harry Potter set, Hugo won't be seen almost entirely by fans of the intellectual property, and that's good because Hugo is one of the more original titles to arrive in theaters in 2011. With an unusual setting (post-Great War Paris), interesting characters, and a multitude of plot twists, turning points, and unique messages, prediction of what comes next is an exercise in futility. You simply don't know what's happening until it passed, and the fact that you can't predict the future means that each moment is a treasure, unwrapped and beloved for every moment you remain in the theater.

Personally, I want to remain on THIS side of the clock, thank you

Another Scorcese strength is in the characters he brings to the screen, and on that front, he brings in some of the best cast members for any title this year. Staying away from his usual casts of De Niro's and DiCaprio's, he surrounds young Asa Butterfield with a shockingly deep core of actors that do everything asked of them and more. Butterfield, best known for his role in 2008's The Boy in the Striped Pajamas,  is himself compelling and exceedingly talented, more than a match for the many paths the script takes young Hugo Cabret. Despite not having to carry the film on his shoulders, Butterfield carries what he can, and often his performance is the best on screen. Still, if he were all that the title offered, it wouldn't have been enough, and thankfully for that he's not alone. Ben Kingsley surprises in a comeback role of sorts, when you consider just how many horrid movies he's appeared in over the years. Playing a toy merchant at the train station, Kingsley doesn't disappoint and for the first time in years shows the versatility for which he was once cheered. Chloe Grace Moretz also impresses; the former Kick-Ass and Let Me In actress is even good in relatively "normal" roles, in this case as an adventure-craving, book-loving young woman. While Butterfield is good, Moretz makes a perfect pairing, as the two play well with their character's differences and make each other more interesting. Jude Law appears only briefly in flashbacks but actually comes off well in the only role in which I've really liked him that wasn't Sherlock Holmes. And Sasha Baron Cohen is humorous and impressive as the station's crippled Inspector, thankfully not as evil as we're at first led to believe. In fact, many of the film's supporting characters are made more interesting when we look over Hugo's shoulder in seeing their daily lives sort out, especially the budding romances in the most romantic city on Earth.

He's very... European...

The three-dimensional character development is somewhat better than the actual three-dimensional effects, of course. This doesn't really come as a surprise since Scorcese has no real experience in the medium. Of course, his first try is better than most people's, and if you can get past the visual distractions it really isn't much of a problem. There are some establishing shots that try to take advantage of the 3D early on, but to be frank they're impressive enough without the added technology brought to bear. Still, it is an impressive first take for Scorcese, who doesn't usually get kudos for his special effects use.

Yes, Jude Law is there too. No, I really DID love this movie!

Martin Scorcese has made a large number of treasured films. I don't think I've ever seen a release from him that I DIDN'T like, and Hugo is no different; at least not in that regard. While on the surface different from anything the director has achieved before, Hugo is always as good as his previous efforts, and at time even better. It's for that reason and more that it knocks just about everything else down a notch, coming in as the #4 film of 2011. You might have no idea what this film is about going in, but that's no reason not to go. If you haven't caught this unexpected gem, take a moment to check it out with your younger family members, as children and adults of all ages should get more than enough entertainment out of this strong presentation..

I Don't Like Sand...

Oh, how I wish I had the Sands of Time right now. Their ability to turn back time might be beneficial so that I never have to watch this Jerry Bruckheimer-produced piece of pap, the video-game inspired Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, and spend my time that I had taken watching this film doing something vastly more productive, like mime. Lacking such mystical artifacts, however, means I can only send this warning out across the web, hoping to stop any as foolish as I from falling into this film's snares.

Kingley's knighting was not as exciting as you might think

I rented this on DVD because, frankly, there wasn't anything else interesting available at the time. While I had low expectations concerning this title anyway I thought that there was no way I could be disappointed with what I saw. Besides, I was a huge fan of the Prince of Persia series of games from which this was based. The games are amazing, pitting the player as a nameless prince who discovers a magical time-reversing dagger that he can use to fix mistakes or avoid getting flattened by the evil powers he unwittingly helps unleash over the course of the game. It also featured amazing platforming puzzles, featuring risky jumps, wall-running and pole-swinging that figured to appear prominently in the film. It's a very fun series of games, and it would have to be a much more superior film than it looked like to match up accordingly.

There's a lot of jumping... shame there wasn't more

It doesn't. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time had a lot of red flags up against it. Despite being set at the height of the Persian Empire, every major character in the film is not only white, but speaks with a noticeable British accent. It's a pseudo-violent film produced by family-friendly Disney Studios. Most damningly, it is produced by Bruckheimer, for whom even his best films have big weaknesses, and rarely survive translation to sequels if successful. Nobody doubts Bruckheimer's ability to blow stuff up, it's just that every film he does nowadays ONLY knows how to do that. Big actors like Johnny Depp can't always save his pieces from the trash heap (and Depp couldn't save the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels at all), but he does instill just enough big name prowess and a little but of humor to get by. This would explain his once-kinship with Michael Bay, as the duo knew how to get people into the theaters. Regardless, such a big film - and one based on video game, no less - is right up my alley, and it would be truly be against my nature to at least give it a look.

Dastan and Tamina get in a quick wet t-shirt contest

The film opens with a silly narrative opening, explaining to the audience exactly who the Persians where and the history of the royal family, starting off by insulting the intelligence of the audience while telling us something we didn't need to immediately know. We learn that the King of the Persian Empire (Ronald Pickup, the worst name for an actor I've ever heard) has had a strong rule, two strong sons, and a brother (Ben Kingsley) who is his closest adviser. He adopted an orphan from the streets after witnessing bravery in him of some sort (I'm a little hazy on how it was so brave, but whatever), who grew up as his third son, Dastan (Jake Gyllenhaal). The kingdom is ruled under a mantle of brotherhood above all else, but that's really only a cheap plot point. The fact of the matter is, we didn't NEED all this info up front. If it had been leaked a little bit at a time to the audience over the course of the film, it would have been much more effective to the storytelling aspects of the film. Instead, we get an insulting intro.

The tension in this film is about what you can garner from this photo

After the King's first son leads an invasion of the city of Alamut, which is suspected of selling weapons to the Empire's enemies, Dastan manages to get his hands on a beautiful dagger by chance, only to later find out that this dagger was the sole reason for the invasion of the city. Soon, after being framed for his father's murder, Dastan mus go on the run with Alamut's ruler, Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton) and try to find out who really murdered the king and to what end. It's almost laughably cliche, the plot put together for this film. Oh, a traitor, you say? Shocking! There's not a single surprising thing about this film, unless you count the fact that it for a millisecond fakes you into thinking someone else is the evil character here when everyone and their dog knows it's Ben Kingsley.

Uhm, yeah, that'll work

The film does have some good points, most notably the special effects. With some of the bigger CGI-laden scenes such as the time-traveling aspect or even one early scene with Dastan atop a pillar high above the city of Alamut, the background graphics practically scream green screen. However, the sweeping desert scenes are quite pretty, and some of the fight scenes are pretty well executed. The violence is largely bloodless, thanks to papa Disney holding the reigns. The best parts might be those decidedly low-tech, as Dastan has the natural ability, from his young life as an orphan, to climb, jump and maneuver quickly to any point to avoid capture. It's a major aspect of the games, and that the movie gives it attention at all is at least a sign that director Mike Newell was paying attention to his assistant's notes (The assistant is the one who actually played the game to give Newell all the important info he should know when he was brought in to direct, what a professional).

As a demented Jessica Rabbit clone might say: "A Maaaayn!"

The acting here is pretty bad. I won't go into the racist casting put in here, and a bulked up Gyllenhaal and the beautiful Arterton are actually not a bad pairing here, if not terribly exciting. They have good charisma together, and when they have scenes with one another, they really do have a connection between them. Gyllenhaal gets a chance to display a charm I've never seen him really put on, and Arterton has a husky voice made for these types of roles, which unfortunately doesn't mean much if she can't branch out into new character types. Most of the rest of the cast however is a mishmash of uninspired and overrated talents, many of whom have done better work elsewhere. The best of the worst is a nearly unrecognizable Alfred Molina as a desert Sheik who excels at mincing words like a used car salesman. Kingsley once again seems to have a painful disregard for the projects he signs on, as there's little in this role of the King's evil brother that needs his Oscar-winning pedigree. Steve Toussaint would have had an interesting character if it couldn't simply be boiled down to "black sidekick". Gisli Om Garoarsson is simply campy and ineffectual as the leader of a secret assassin order, called the Hassansins. I guess it's apparently taken from the real-life Hashshanshin, or Nizari Ismailis as is their true name, assassins operating at that time. Why for the film they use this similar but made up name instead of what the real name was (or why not simply "assassin"?) may not be known. Best not to dwell on it.

Being comfortable with your body is key

There wasn't really any point during this film that I was actually excited. Take away the special effects and what you're left with is a story that doesn't have too many unique elements to it (and is told poorly, to boot), plot holes you can clear in a hang glider, uninspired and uninteresting characters and the shallowest of efforts by the production team. To say I didn't like Prince of Persia would be an understatement. Perhaps the story of the game doesn't translate well to a non-interactive medium like film, but that's fine by me. I'll just pop my copy into the PS2 and enjoy myself for a spell. I've got to get Jake's pecs out of my head, after all.