Double Feature: 'Don Jon' and 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2

Comedies are a funny thing. No, I'm not just saying that to be cute. Well, not entirely. What I mean is that they're not all that easy to categorize. One thing that makes someone laugh will be inherently different from another, and so forth. There are comedies about sex, comedies about politics, school, fantasy, reality... this list goes on. While most folk seem to agree on what makes an excellent dramatic performance, a comedic one divides its audience on a wide spectrum, whether done by Jim Carey, Will Ferrell or Anna Faris. For every human being, there are dozens of diverging ideas on what makes things funny, and that's why there's such a wide variety of subjects out there just ripe for parody.And you can be sure that many comedies for adults are CERTAINLY not for kids (although some aimed towards kids can be surprisingly insightful for parents).

Don Jon is one of those "adults only" kind of films. Written and directed by star Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the story follows likeable douchebag (because statistically speaking, there has to be ONE out there) Jon Martello, who objectifies everything in his life, especially women. Every week he takes home a different girl from the club, until he meets who he believes to be the one, played by Scarlett Johansson. As they settle into an everyday relationship together, there's just one small problem: Jon can't get through his day without watching porn, which he sees as "better than sex". Naturally, that comes into conflict with his relationship to Barbara, and he soon must settle the differences between the two.

Seriously, that's the 3'rd Rock From the Sun kid

Despite being hampered by the usual mistakes that plague first-time directors (especially when those directors are actors to begin with), there's much more done right in this raunchy comedy. Gordon-Levitt proves that this is his element, as we suspected this genre was two years ago in the under-seen 50/50. But even besides his impressive transformation, most impressive is his cast, between the lovely Johansson - who is a better actress than many give her credit - to the always-strong Julianne Moore, the strong presence of Brie Larson (who only has one line but at times is the best part of the movie), and a surprisingly solid turn by Tony Danza. Yes, I said it: Danza does a good job. Don Jon is also unexpectedly insightful; while on the surface, the movie keeps the audience laughing with witty dialogue and perfectly-conceived editing and scoring, the director doesn't skip a beat in presenting his evidence on why an otherwise-decent guy like Jon treats women like things instead of people. According to Don Jon, it's a combination of public advertising (beautiful woman used to hawk hamburgers? That's Hot) to how he was raised. When Danza (as his father) recounts how he met Jon's mother (Glenne Headly), he recalls that the first time he saw her, the thought through his head was "That's mine." Now, Jon's dad is not a bad guy. As far as we know, he hasn't cheated on his wife, and despite some obnoxious elements to his character he's not a BAD guy. But his mental imagery of his wife as a thing to be possessed is an idea that has no shortage of examples all across the planet. Gordon-Levitt also tackles the other end of the spectrum - albeit more lightly - in dismissing romantic movies and entertainment as fake and damaging, essentially comparing Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey to the porn that men watch.

One big happy family.

As a director, Gordon-Levitt does make some questionable decisions (by playing a "guido", was he TRYING to draw in the Jersey Shore crowd? Or did he want to give mainstream audiences an easily-visible reason to dislike his character?), but for the most part Don Jon is raucously funny, surprisingly sweet and a treat for fans of 50/50 or similar works. Is it for everyone? God no, as the subject matter alone will definitely turn off many potential viewers. But as an honest, soul-searching comedy, Don Jon will probably come to a rest in my pantheon of 2013's best movies.

Meanwhile, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 specifically targets younger audiences this fall. With most of the year's potential competition either already released or not much of a threat, this sequel to the film based on the beloved children's book takes a whole new spin on the story, where the heroes of the first movie return to their home of Swallow Falls, where Flint Lockwood's (Bill Hader) invention, the food-creating "FLDSMDFR" has malfunctioned, turning the once-peaceful town into a "Lost World" of wild food-imals. Tasked with shutting his machine down for good so that the creatures cannot get off the island and assault the mainland, it's a race against time as Tim and his team journey across the island and attempt to take back their homes.

Cloudy 2 distinguishes itself nicely from the original with a vastly different premise, and the steady direction of Cody Cameron and Kris Pearn feels seamless with the preceding duo of Phil Lord and Chris Miller (who ran off to make 21 Jump Street and the upcoming Lego Movie), and the story itself takes off mere moments after the end of the first movie. The jokes - even if they are all food puns - are crisp, vibrant and ought to appeal to children of all ages ("There's a leek in the boat!" is a personal favorite and doesn't get old.) They also rarely repeat the same gags, and the cast all have their parts to play, from the spunky love interest (Anna Faris) to the dim-witted friend (Andy Samberg) to the requisite tough-as-nails policeman (Terry Crews) and the father who is the exact opposite of his scientist son (James Caan). Though nowhere near as subtle or intriguing as the best of Pixar or Disney (it reveals the main villain in just a few minutes after the film's open), it's still a fun story that will keep the kids happy and won't bore their parents.

Beware, for El Pollo Diablo is coming... for you!

No, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 doesn't have the heart of The Croods, the witty dialogue of Monsters University or even the solid story structure of Turbo or Epic. When all is said and done, it probably will be less remembered than even the underwhelming Despicable Me 2, if only because Minions exist. But Cloudy 2 is still a lot of fun if you want to see something with your family this weekend, since Prisoners is absolutely not a kid-friendly option. If nothing else, it's a very nice option given the alternatives.

The Manliest Review of the Year

In May 2008, the Sex and the City movie was released to record audiences around the globe. I was there opening night with my then-girlfriend who had indoctrinated me into the television show, which I actually liked despite early reservations that it was simply a woman's show. What I had learned watching the HBO series was that it was not just about women; women were the main protagonists, of course, but the show was about friendship, inner strength and trust, which are themes that don't necessarily belong to either sex, and smart characters helped grow the show out of it's early emotional limitations. Of course, the show is also about Jimmy Choos, man-hunting, and Vogue, which means that about 90% of the people who went to see this movie opening night were women, most of them weaned on the TV show that had begun airing ten years earlier. Though not a very good movie overall (lacking much of the quality of it's source material), because of this fanatical female following, it was the most successful R-rated comedy ever, and also most successful for a movie starring all women.

The Expendables experience has been kind of like that.

Statham, Stallone and Couture take on bad men

The film stands as a tribute to the old-style action films of the '80's and early '90's, and much like Sex, The Expendables is not a very good movie. It fails to make into my Top 10 based on it's mindlessness alone. However, I still had a good time, much like I did during a similar opening night two years earlier.

The movie starts off quickly, with the Expendables, a team of elite mercenaries led by Sylvester Stallone's Barney Ross, conduct a messy hostage rescue mission on a boat in the Gulf of Adan. The team, consisting of blades specialist Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), martial artist Yin Yang (Jet Li), sniper Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), weapons specialist Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) and demolitions expert Toll Road (Randy Couture), successfully rescue the hostages in dramatic fashion, but afterwards Ross is forced to kick Jensen out of the group for his growing psychological problems. It's a bad sign if your buddies think you're too crazy to be a good mercenary, but any good viewer would doubt this is the last we've seen of Jensen. Not long after, the Expendables' former teammate and mission coordinator Tool (Mickey Rourke) comes to them with a job offer, calling it "hell and back". On the island of Vilena, in the Gulf of Mexico, a dictator by the name of General Garza has taken over and practically enslaved his own people, with the might of the island's military behind him. The mission is to eliminate Garza, but upon performing a reconnaissance mission of the island, Ross and Christmas discover that Garza is backed by former C.I.A. spook James Munroe (Eric Roberts) and his goons Paine (Steve Austin) and The Brit (Gary Daniels), determining that Munroe is the true target.

Rourke also performs as the teams' Swiss masseuse

As you can see just from the last paragraph, Stallone (who co-wrote and directed the film) searched high and low for the biggest cast of action stars he could find for this movie. Besides those mentioned, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared in cameo roles, and efforts were made to recruit Jean-Claude Van Dam, Wesley Snipes, Forest Whitaker, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson, Steven Seagal, and Kurt Russell, though either disinterest or conflicting schedules kept them from the sets. The ensemble cast is barely that, however, as the movie mostly revolves around Stallone and Statham, with a little Lee and Lundgren thrown in for good measure. Stallone is as good as he's ever been as an actor (take that for what you will), but Statham remains something special even as his chosen genre lessens in importance by the year. Li, meanwhile is dry and uninteresting, only watchable when he's kicking things. 53-year-old Lundgren is only interesting in that he hasn't been on the big screen in years, though his character does do through some interesting transformation that the actor's talent can barely keep up with.

Stallone demands only the best cameos

Thankfully, the supporting cast is mostly talented, though given little to do in their roles. Although Eric Roberts joins an ever-growing line of bad 2010 movie villains with stupid decision-making and silly goals, the actor is at least good enough to make the role more fun than say, Jason Patric in The Losers or Patrick Wilson in The A-Team. His lackeys, played by Austin and Daniels, are serviceable for little more than their athletic prowess, as Austin is not at all different than his "Stone Cold" persona he put on for so many years as a performer in the WWE. I've never seen Daniels in anything, but to say the least his character was quite... British. Crews is a talented actor with little to do in this movie, his talents wasted on the small role he does his best to be present in. And while I'm sure Randy Couture is an intelligent, friendly guy, he has no business acting in anything that requires him to go on a monologue about cauliflower ear. Really, Randy? That's interesting, I'm just going to rest my eyes, but you just keep on talking. The cameo of Willis and Schwarzenegger along with Stallone is hilarious, with all three actors looking like they're having a ball delivering their lines. The three of them after all could be considered the three top action stars of the 80's, with billions earned between them. But the best of the best is by far Rourke, who once again shows the talent almost wasted from years of psychological issue and substance abuse. He's not in on any of the big action sequences or for much of the movie at all, but in his role he manages to be the heart of the movie, no small feat considering the amount of testosterone and explosions flowing through it.

Roberts and Austin dodge an attack by movie critics

And when stuff blows up in The Expendables, it BLOWS UP, big time. It's no secret that the explosions, violence and macho posturing is meant as the main attraction of the movie, as it goes over the top in this. When you compare it to other, relatively bloodless, action films released in this and previous years, the film feels even more out of time, and the viewer knows what it was like to sit in a theater in the '80's and watch their first Rambo flick. These effects are top shelf quality, with a reason for almost every blast and ricochet. The action sequences are actually well put together, if a little difficult to follow, especially the last sequence which takes place in the middle of the night.

(l-r) Stallone, Li, Couture, Crews, Statham

If there's a real problem with The Expendables, it's in relation to it's gender roles. The only two prominent female parts belong to Latin actress Gisele Itie and former Buffy the Vampire Slayer hottie Charisma Carpenter. Both add up to little more than damsels in distress, as Carpenter plays the ex-girlfriend of Statham's character who ends up in an abusive relationship, and Itie plays a revolutionary who hires the mercenaries and then must be rescued by them, instigating in a light romance with Ross (Which is just a little creepy since Stallone is seven years older than my father and Itie is a year younger than ME). It wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that there have been major female action stars who don't even make cameo appearances, such as Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock. There's no doubt this is a boy's club, but even the tiniest extension to this branch of the genre would have been appreciated by the audience.

Nevertheless, The Expendables is a fun, independent and mindless source of entertainment, able to be enjoyed by action novices or experts alike, it's a rarity to see this many big names on one screen, even if several of them are a little long in the tooth. It's a film about friendship, making a difference and brotherhood, but also one in which men are blown up, burnt to a crisp, and decapitated in the most violent ways possible. For some (many, it seems), that is enough. It most certainly isn't for everybody. It's no Eat, Pray, Love, but when it makes that much at the box office, it doesn't have to be.