Warning: Real Life Approaching

As a culture, we have arguably gone a little bit crazy for Hollywood and celebrities. Many of the top magazines sold around the country are US Weekly, People and Star, titles that make their living by capitalizing on this desire for information on the rich and famous and focusing on such things as whom they are currently romancing and how they dress. It's not exactly important information, but much of our society just can't seem to get enough of it. This isn't meant to disparage those of you who DO read these periodicals; this is simply my personal opinion. I mean, I'm a FILM reviewer. While I don't talk about the latest fashions, I still bring attention to celebrities' movies on a regular basis. Speaking of film, the best example of celebrity worship getting out of control might be The Bling Ring, the latest movie by director Sofia Coppola. It tells the true story of a group of young Californians whose desire to be closer to the lifestyles they desired became an obsession that saw them break into the homes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson and more, stealing to their heart's content. Between 2008 and 2009, these kids stole upwards of $3 million in cash and belongings before they were arrested. If nothing else, it's the perfect example for how this kind of behavior can get completely and utterly out of hand.

Emma Watson's going all Bonnie and Clyde on us.

The kids in Coppola's latest motion picture are definitely a little messed up. Marc (Israel Broussard) is a loner who has never been very popular and got kicked out of his last school for too many absences. Rebecca (Katie Chang) is a minor criminal who gets off on breaking and entering and theft. Chloe (Claire Julien) talks "gangsta" and gets a little wild. And Nicki (Emma Watson) and Sam (Taissa Farmiga) are home-schooled best friends who take Adderall regularly and whose education is based entirely on Rhonda Byrne's Laws of Attraction book "The Secret". So getting past the part where none of these kids really had a chance, their descent into theft is both glitzy enough to shine on the big screen and dark enough to make for a decent character study of their various issues. Coppola cast mainly unknowns for her leads, and the real surprise is not how great Emma Watson is (because seriously, she's fricking Emma Watson), but the quality of performances from the rest of the young cast. Though Watson is undoubtedly the movie's biggest star, the film belongs to Broussard and Chang, who are talented young actors given genuine moments to stand out and succeed in a variety of ways. The cast is rounded out by Leslie Mann (as Nicki's mother) and Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale to fill the film's adult quota, but this film definitely belongs to the kids, and they make the most of their opportunities.

We're in a movie taking pictures of ourselves! Wild!

The acting is aided by a director in Coppola who has a flair for cinematics. While the "Girls Gone Wild" indie concept has already been adequately handled by March's Spring Breakers, Coppola is by far a better director than Korine, using music and visual flair to accentuate her specific narrative style, rather than try to hide her movie's inadequacies. It's a talent that only the best - not necessarily most successful, but best - directors possess. In The Bling Ring, Coppola manages to infuse every scene - no matter how inconsequential - with an artistry that instantly makes everything BETTER, like a cure-all that can magically heal all the film's wounds.

I'm sorry... what was I saying?

Unfortunately, that cure-all is, in reality, simply a band-aid. While the acting is excellent and the atmosphere Coppola adds does vastly improve things, there's just not all that much story going on here. There are whole scenes which have little to do with moving the story forward (including a shot from Marc's computer camera of him dancing around), and are just filler, adding absolutely nothing of value. There are a few inspired scenes (Marc and Rebecca robbing Audrina Patridge's home as seen from a distance outside), but most of the "shopping" bits - as they're called - aren't nearly as fun or original as they ought to be. In fact, they feel suspiciously like the worst fashion-centric moments of Sex and the City, when all the ladies can talk about are Gucci and Jimmy Choo's. Interaction between characters is great. Interaction between characters and articles of clothing, not so much.

Direct quote here: "I want to lead a country one day, for all I know."

When there's a story to follow and the actors get to play up the chronic naivete of their generation, The Bling Ring is at its trashy, dumpster-diving best. This is not a movie that condones celebrity worship; in fact, it does its best to show just how bad that behavior has gotten in some parts of our society. But unfortunately there's just not a whole lot of meat on those bones, even for a film that barely clocks in at an hour and a half. Coppola does her absolute best, and I doubt that this could have been better in anybody else's hands. But similarly to Spring Breakers, recommending that somebody see The Bling Ring on the big screen is not a task I would be up to taking. Which is a shame, because there are genuinely strong scenes and evocative moments that absolutely make it worth a rental option. Watson is a star who is still rising, but even her excellent performance can't convince me to convince you that it's worth your time right now.

Over the Rainbow

There's no doubt out there that Sofia Coppola is a talented filmmaker. 2003's Lost in Translation, her award-winning second feature film, is a modern classic and exhibited flawless performances by it's leads, Bill Murray and Scarlet Johansson. It spoke of loneliness, alienation and general ennui, all while in a dramatically different land. It was a haunting film, and one that many artists could have just as easily screwed up than replicated. Coppola's fourth film, Somewhere, has just been released, and seems at first to examine those same themes, while trading the exotic land that is Tokyo for a seemingly much more emotionally remote place: Hollywood.

Scaring Elle with his Christian Slater impersonation

In Somewhere, Stephen Dorff plays... wait, wait a minute. STEPHEN DORFF? Seriously? Wow, congratulations, Stephen! I mean, no offense, but you've NEVER been in such a high-profile film before. I mean, we always KNEW you were an actor, but your films have never been ones that people, you know, watched. I mean, will anyone actually ADMIT to having seen Alone in the Dark, or Shadowboxer, or Space Truckers? That's what I thought. I mean, yeah, I reviewed XIII: The Conspiracy earlier this year, but that was pure chance, not a concerted effort on my part.

Interesting fact (lie): Fanning has in fact been invited to more award shows than Dorff

So anyway, back to what I was saying. In Somewhere, Stephen Dorff plays Hollywood bad boy Johnny Marko, a big-time movie star who lives his life in the lap of luxury, driving around an expensive Ferrari and constantly in the beds of numerous beautiful women. Women want him and men want to be him, and from the outside it would seem he's living every American's fantasy life. On the inside, however, he's extremely dissatisfied and is only truly happy when spending time with his daughter Chloe (Elle Fanning), with whom he has always had a strained relationship due to his work.

...and yet, I can actually more believe Dorff as the big movie star than Monaghan

It's clear from the start that the same themes that moved Lost in Translation forward are ever present in this new film. That loneliness, alienation and boredom is what moves Somewhere's plot as well, but having it take place in Hollywood, where Johnny would seemingly be home, instead of in a strange, faraway land is almost more tragic. It's also reasonable to assume that Coppola took bits from her relationship with her own father, director Francis Ford Coppola, as inspiration for the story. But what's lacking is Translation's ability to pace effectively. We have to sit through several scenes that express excess, boredom, dissatisfaction, loneliness, anxiety and back to excess through dialogue-less, drawn-out scenes in which very little actually happens. While it conveys the film's mood well, it does little to keep the film's story going, while in fact alienating the audience as a result. The story in fact almost seems like a side-note, often over-shadowed by excessive moodiness and feelings of despair.

That reminds me... I need to get the new Rock Band

The acting possibly could have been better, but the focus is almost entirely on the film's leads. Dorff is actually subtle and sensitive as Marko, seeking what little enjoyment he can purchase from his glamorous lifestyle while only truly enjoying the time he spends with his daughter. As strange as the idea may be to feel sorry for a Hollywood big shot, I can actually understand what his character is supposed to be seeking. Marko is stuck on this continual roller coaster of false glimmer and idolization. What he wants is something real, and he rediscovers it when he and Chloe are thrust together unexpectedly. Dorff does this while showing us a side to his persona that we've never seen before. While she's not her sister Dakota talent-wise, Elle Fanning is more than adequate as the attention-starved daughter, Chloe. You can see in her eyes that she loves her father despite all his faults, even while silently disappointed in his bed-hopping ways and his lack of having been around. Fanning is simply a cute kid when she needs to be, but when the time comes to step up, she admirably does the job. Other roles which could have been expanded upon and made more interesting were unfortunately left alone, including those of Laura Chaitti, Michelle Monaghan, Lala Sloatman and Chris Pontius as professional and personal acquaintances of Marko. In practice they are mere window dressing to the duo that is Dorff/Fanning, and while that duo may not have the charm of Murray/Johansson, they come close enough for the audience to be sympathetic towards them.

"So tell me, how are you recovering from your masterbatory injury?"

If Somewhere could survive solely on the performances of its lead actors, it would be the perfect film. Unfortunately, it takes more than great acting to make a top-notch production. I can even overlook some unresolved minor plot points, since this is the type of film in which everything doesn't need excessive tying up of loose threads. With far too many slow patches, a serious lack of secondary players, and an ending that, unlike the rest of the film, is completely devoid of grace and subtlety, I honestly can't say that Somewhere impressed me as a feature film more than it's trailer had. Even the soundtrack headlined by the amazing band Phoenix can't raise the title completely from the doldrums of mediocrity. It may seem unfair to endlessly compare Somewhere to Coppola's earlier masterpiece, but to be blunt she put so many of the elements in that made that possible in the first place. And this film, as good as it is in parts, is no Translation. See it for the strong performances, but not much else.

Somewhere will put your kids to sleep. There, that's the tag line