Ultimate Disappointment

It really shouldn't be like this... but it is.

With the regular monthly success of the Ultimate universe for Marvel, it's easy to forget that only three regularly-running series set in the Ultimate Universe: Ultimate Spiderman, Ultimate X-Men, and Ultimate Fantastic Four. Despite strong sales, Marvel doesn't seem too interested in investing in any more regular series, but writer Mark Miller and artist Bryan Hitch have come close to creating a fourth with their two miniseries of The Ultimates, the Ultimate version of the long-standing Avengers team.

Yes, I know this is the second Avengers review in a row. I realize that. I also realize I haven't reviewed a DC title in a month, and when I meet a DC comic I can review, I'll do it. But you can't ignore The Ultimates, Ever. The first series gorgeously introduced us to the new team, brilliantly re-orchestrated the origin of Captain America, and creating something darker and more serious than Marvel had ever undertaken before. After it's blazing success, Ultimates 2 raised the bar farther, questioning respects to faith and what the US Government might do with a billion-dollar superhero team. Through all this, the perfect writing of Mark Miller (Ultimate X-Men, Authority) and the spectacular artwork by Bryan Hitch (Sensational She-Hulk, Authority) perfectly blended the two series and did such a fantastic job that a third series was simply unavoidable. Conversely was the idea of bringing back Miller and Hitch, who were replaced by writer Jeph Loeb (Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America, Superman/Batman) and artist Joe Madureira (Uncanny X-Men, Battle Chasers). Ultimates 3 is actually Madureira's return to the comics industry after working concept design for video games, and many comic fans will be getting their first-ever look at this new artist.

It's a shame there isn't better material here. The comic hasn't gone two pages before a very angry Venom appears and knocks Thor through a wall and an all-new Ultimates team takes on this rampaging beast, who keeps asking "Where is she??" over and over, single-mindedly searching for some woman who doesn't appear to be a member of this new team.

And it is a new team! Several members return to this group; Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hank Pym, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Wasp and Hawkeye return, but almost none of them are the same as in the previous series. Add brand-new members Black Panther and Valkyrie (yes, this is the same Valkyrie who was just another non-powered member of the disastrous Ultimate Defenders group, she's back and apparently has a flying horse and some unexplained powers) and you've got a whole lot of insane reformatting of the series.

Hawkeye's changes are probably greater than everybody else's, the death of his family in Ultimates 2 seems to have created a man who's unafraid of death and seems to relish the sweet embrace. Even more disturbing, his new costume looks less like Hawkeye (he's even dropped the bow and arrow in lieu of double pistols and a mini-crossbow) and more like Daredevil villain Bullseye, complete with the proper forehead adornment.

Captain America isn't even here for this opening sequence, as he's for some reason (read: no particular reason) decided he needs to find himself. So now he's never around. Oh, and Tony Stark has a sex tape with former Ultimate, full-time corpse Black Widow that's patrolling the internet. Do you feel tension yet??

The action is frentic, but it takes too much of the issue. The big battle between the Ultimates and Venom goes for 12 pages, and that's more than half the book. The rest of the book are quick little story-fillers, written solely because someone told Loeb the entire book couldn't be one battle. The story feels too rushed, and maybe this is because Ultimates 3 will only be a 5-issue series, as opposed to the 12 and 13-issue series' the first two were. That really shouldn't be an excuse, though, as Loeb should have enough experience to work around that. Besides that, though, the book reads as "dumb." Huge panels are full of action, while in several instances characters rely on one-word statements intended to be indicative of the current situation.

The art, meanwhile is fantastic. I hope this isn't a series that's going to exist purely for it's artwork, but if it is, you could certainly do worse. I do have issues with it, but I can certainly see why Wizard magazine once dubbed Madureira one of the most influential comic artists of all time; That doesn't mean they weren't wrong, but he is damn good, and it's a shame he doesn't get more to work with. Frankly, though, it seems like they got Madureira to put on the best damn T&A show in comics, as skimpy costumes dominate the story. Wasp's new costume reveals a ton of skin (and ironically, for the first time, a mask), Scarlet Witch is wearing even less than usual, and as you can see from this image of Valkyrie below, the two-page shot never looked so good. Hell, we're even shown the Tony Stark-Natasha Romanov sex tape on the first fracking page of the book, so loose morals could possibly be one of the prevalent topics for the next four issues.


Even the guys get into this act; Black Panther looks one part WWE, one part WWF (and never utters a word) and even drunk Tony Stark has all his pectorals in order. And the ironic thing? This story takes place in Winter. You'd think the women would at least have winter uniforms or something. Not that I mind at all looking at the pages, you realize; It just seems a little much.

This is not the Ultimates. Miller and Hitch, that's what the Ultimates are. And to think, this is going to go on for five issues (Although with Madureira known as an unusually slow artist - even for the comics industry - that could last over a year). Five issues of this crap?? I don't think so. I can only thank the Son of Odin that I didn't buy this issue: That can only fall on the shoulders of fellow scribe Elmo, who can be forgiven for purchasing this title through the sheer fact that it says Ultimates on the cover. But these are no Ultimates. It's kind of like the pretty waitress/actress/models you see around Hollywood or New York City. Fun to look at (over and over), but once you get close and personal, you realize there's just not much there.

On a side note, sorry for taking so long between posts. Some boxes are harder to put down than others, and I'll be back to at least a weekly schedule from now on, Latest Issue Guarantee.

Unknown No Longer

In the never-ending quest to find out whether or not big-budget comic book companies should bother shelling out the extra green for big-name authors continues as we take a look at the first issue of Jonathan Lethem's miniseries Omega: The Unknown. For Lethem, author of the New York Times bestseller Fortress of Solitude, this is his first jaunt into the world of comic writing, following in the footsteps of Eric Jerome Dickey (Storm) and Jodi Picoult (Wonder Woman). Unlike his predecessors, Lethem seems to have a passion for his subject, though few others did.

The original Omega the Unknown was a Marvel release from 1976-1977 and only lasted 10 issues before being canceled due to poor sales. It told the story of James-Michael Starling, a gifted 12-year-old boy who apparently had a superhero as a guardian angel. That hero, Omega, would always appear whenever the boy was in danger, though we never found out in that ten issue run what their connection was. Although it was canceled and didn't do very well sales-wise, apparently the comic had a small cult following, of which Jonathan Lethem was an supposed member.

Fast forward to 2007, and the first issue of the new miniseries is released. It opens in a forest at night as the titular Omega is camping near an abandoned cabin. As he prepares the fire and cooks his dinner (two ducks or swans from the look of it) three robotic figures are checking out a space ship that appears to have crash-landed in the area. Whether the ship that crashed is theirs or Omegas is yet to be explained. The robots track Omega down, there's a brief scuffle, a nice opening monologue by Omega speaking to himself before he's struck from behind by one of the 'bots. Then the whole comic gets kinda... bad.

After Omega is rendered unconscious, 14-year-old Alexander awakes from his nightmares, which are apparently common. His parents, to whom he refers as Rupert and Lydia, come in and check up on him. This is where the comic gets not just weird, but painful to read. The dialogue is so clammy, so... uptight. These people don't talk like you and me. It's understandable for Alexander, who we realize is -- say it with me, people -- "gifted," but his parents have no excuse. They're supposed to be "normal" but they don't talk like it. They certainly don't talk like normal Pennsylvania suburbanites. The dialogue isn't all bad. When told he's a teenager now, and doesn't need to refer to kids his age as "children," he responds: "I'm fourteen years old, yes. But teenager, if I've understood correctly, is a social role." Who among us hasn't felt like that? We're old enough, but feel like we don't truly belong with any of the others. And, when told by Lydia that learning social behaviors might be fun (what high school did she go to?) he miserably responds "The more often you use that word, the less I believe you." It's pretty good, but doesn't last long.

After a near-collision with a gas tanker runs Alexander and his parents off the road the day after his most recent nightmare, Alexander is surprised to see the decapitated head of his mother lying next to him on the ground outside their crashed vehicle (guess Alex wasn't wearing his safely belt) and even more surprised when it speaks to him. This is all before he blacks out and we're mercifully devoid of him speaking for several pages.

However, this only serves to introduce another "meh" character, known at first as "Mr. Kansur" and after a few minutes we're revealed his superhero avatar, The Mink. The Mink?? Anyway, the Mink is a self-obsessed glory-hound, the type of person who is famous for being famous. He's called to the scene of the accident by the New Jersey Police (Alex and his 'rents were traveling to NYC at the time of the accident, this probably took place on the Jersey Turnpike) to check out the decapitated, android head of Lydia. Fascinated, the Mink hooks Lydia's head up to a car battery to see if that would get it running, I guess, and succeeds in melting all the fabricated skin and muscle tissue off the head before the metallic head itself blackens and burns up. Before he takes off he learns the fate of the surviving Alexander (in a coma at the hospital) and has someone keep an eye on him, in case he's as interesting as his parents were.

At Colombia Presbyterian Hospital, Alex is deep in his coma, with a young nurse named Edie Fallinger. She's new and, as of this point, the only person who seems to care for this comatose boy lying in a hospital bed for seemingly no reason. It doesn't take long, but he does eventually wake... which coincides with the forgotten hero Omega's escape from his robotic captors. Somehow, seemingly feeling the direction he must go, Omega hitchhikes his way to New York City... towards this boy he's supposedly sworn to protect.

Let's get down to it. Omega: The Unknown is confusing. It's a world of glory-hogging superheros, corrupt police, uncaring medical establishments, and occasionally searing kindness. It's got bad dialogue, so-so art by Farel Dalrymple (Pop Gun War; Yeah, I never heard of it, either), and an unbelievable situation in which the good nurse takes Alex into her life (somehow I believe Social Services would have something to say about that) The best parts are where Omega makes his appearance, never saying a word, just fighting for this boy who resembles a younger him. And when Alex starts exhibiting powers... well, the idea doesn't seem to stem very far from the ideas expressed in the 70's run.

Omega: the Unknown is not good. Having picked up the first issue, it might be the natural response of many readers to never ever pick up the subsequent issues. This is just a vanity piece by a bestselling author, and Lethem still can't pull it off correctly. Marvel only agreed to put this bunch together because they did the math and Jonathan Lethem = $$$. Even if the comic does poorly, it's only a 10 issue miniseries so it's not a lot of money out of Marvel's pocket; plus the trade release will almost certainly be an indie fan's wet dream.

I never read the original Omega. Now, thanks to Marvel and Lethem, I never want to.