Have a Safe Trip

It's ironic that the new action flick starring Jason Statham is called Safe, as we are shown through 94 minutes that for the sake of the story, nobody really is; not Statham's family, who are killed off in the film's opening sequence; not the army of baddies who soon become the targets of the deadpanning hero; not even the civilian extras who are inevitably drawn into the crossfire.

I tend to enjoy simple action films, a genre whose popularity spiked in the late eighties and early nineties with the influx of Hong Kong cinema stars like Jackie Chan and later Jet Li. Soon afterward, other countries started emulating that style of hard-hitting martial arts action into their films, the most notable probably being the French action piece The Transporter, which was the film that catapulted Statham to where he is now, kicking ass and taking names. I loved The Transporter , though it would be fair to say that product of Louis Leterrier and Luc Besson was likely Statham's most complex release to date. In recent years, Statham's titles have had the same ideas around them, most notably the actor as a one-man war machine, impervious to bullets, gravity, plot twists and general common sense. His 2011 efforts, The Mechanic and Killer Elite, were okay, but both lacked anything approaching an original concept. Really, the only difference I saw in Safe was that the actor was stripped of his big-name co-stars (Ben Foster in The Mechanic, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro in Killer Elite) in favor of young sidekick Catherine Chan. Still, getting the chance to see Statham knocking people's teeth in is too good a chance to pass up, and while I was waiting for The Avengers to arrive, it was good to take in a relatively simple action flick.

He keeps this look on his face through the whole thing.

When cage fighter Luke Wright (Statham) fails his effort to throw a rigged match, he is made an example of by the Russian Mafia, who murder his family and let him know that they will be watching him, killing any whom he befriends, before sending him packing into the world. Wandering the streets of New York City, Luke is tempted to end it all... that is, until he sees the same Russians who ruined his life stalking an 11-year-old Chinese girl (Chan), and intervenes to save her. It turns out she was conscripted by the Chinese Triads of New York City as a "counter", someone who could memorize numbers and figures. She has been taught a complex code that could tilt the balance of power in the city, and every major criminal organization is out to find her. Luke finds himself pitted against not only the Mafia and the Triads, but also a group of corrupt police, all looking for an edge in the coming war. Having lost his way, Luke finds something to fight for once again, and unleashes his full strength for the first time against everyone with evil intent in the city.

This won't end well...

Not surprisingly, the fights and action are quite good for a film of this quality. Despite not having made a crime film since 1994's Fresh, director Boaz Yakin shows that he can still create compelling action sequences. He DOES get a little too close to the action at times, obscuring the actual actions on the screen, but thankfully he doesn't do it to the point where we cannot make out anything important. Exciting scenarios include gunfights in an underground casino, a posh hotel, and roaring through the streets of New York. He also sets up scenes perfectly, so we know exactly the kind of situation we're witnessing before the bullets start flying. Don't get me wrong, there's not anything here that is nearly as compelling as any single scene in the Indonesian film The Raid: Redemption, but the work is still highly impressive for someone who has been out of the game for over a decade.

He's got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

It's a shame then that the story doesn't hold up to even distant scrutiny. I'm talking plot holes seen from the windows of an overhead 747 when I talk about how silly and without substance the story actually is. Ignore the fact that the fate of the city is held in the head of an 11-year-old child, I still can't get over the level of corruption strewn throughout the film, as dirty operators from three overt factions are seen blowing the crap out of objects and people for the entirety of the film's run. I'm sorry, but I don't believe that the Triads could storm a hotel, engage in a fierce firefight, and even kill a few civilians to escape, YET THERE ARE NO SIGNIFICANT CONSEQUENCES. Even taking corrupt cops into account, and even if the criminal organizations in the city pay a certain amount to keep their activities under the radar, there's simply no way those kinds of actions result in anything short of a full-blown crackdown on the syndicate. It's called "crossing the line" and Yakin (who also wrote the script) doesn't seem to know where that line is. This is a fictional version of New York, and would feel right at home in the pre-Giuliani days of mass crime, but that this film stretches the boundaries of believability so much is proof that Yakin should have brought others on board to make the whole thing seem more credible.

Jason Statham: killing ugly people since 1998.

True to the poor quality of the script, there's hardly a spoken word that you can hear without cringing. It's a good thing a chunk of the film is verbalized in (I think) Cantonese, as the Triad scenes provide a brief respite from wince-inducing dialogue. For the most part, the film at least casts in that vein, and just about everyone from Statham on down looks comfortable reciting what's on the page. You might even recognize many of the cast from other works, but Chris Sarandon, Robert John Burke, James Hong, Reggie Lee and Anson Mount hardly do anything to really make their characters distinct (it might be argued that Burke is the exception). The only person who really has to do any work is Catherine Chan, and that's because - let's face it - she's far overpowered even as a child sidekick. She has to narrate parts of the story, and her delivery is unconvincing and dry, though I admit I'm unsure whether that is lack of talent or just not realizing how hard it is to make a major motion picture. I feel bad ragging on a kid, but you can't gloss over the fact that she's easily the film's weak link.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Once again, we are presented with Jason Statham as the central (and only) reason to sit through a generic action film, in the hopes that something new and better will be coming down the path ahead. Safe is not a bad movie, but it doesn't even stack up to his lesser films from last year, and those only missed being among the worst of 2011 thanks to Statham's intangibles. Safe will likely be remembered in the same capacity (if at all), and you should only see this if you really can't wait for The Expendables 2 to come out in a few months. It's fine for a mindless action flick, but with so many better options out there right now, why would you settle?

Everybody's Still Kung-Fu Fighting

Okay, today's post SHOULD have been about the new Woody Allen film Midnight in Paris, starring Owen Wilson as a man who falls in love with the French capital. It's been critically hailed as Allen's best directorial effort in years. So how did I go from that to seeing Kung Fu Panda 2? Sigh. I really have nobody to blame but myself. On Tuesday, when I had the choice of seeing either Paris or The Tree of Life, I chose the latter. My reasoning was that Allen's film had been enjoying some success; with Tree likely relegated to the limited release and indie theater circuit for the time being, and Paris getting more or less a wide release treatment, there was a better chance of Tree's showings winding down quickly, while Paris would get a little more time in the spotlight. So I decided to drag myself through Tree, thinking full well that a viewing of Midnight in Paris would be readily available only two days later, which was the next time I'd get the chance to head in town to the theater.

Whoops.

Turns out that in only two days everything changed. With my daily schedule only allowing me to see something in the mornings, I was upset to discover that the theater, which had been showing daily matinees of Midnight in Paris for the past couple of weeks, had NO morning showings on this particular Thursday. Dammit. So I was left with a conundrum. No backup plan, no interest in the latest rentals (heck, I saw most of them in the theater anyway), and very few options. Well, I did have one BIG option, but there was a reason I had been avoiding it. When the original Kung Fu Panda came out in June of 2008, it was critically acclaimed and exceeded all expectations when it came to the box office. It even broke box office records in China, becoming the first American-produced film to make over 100 million Yuan. Yet I ignored the film when it came out for two reasons; one, it looked like a kid movie, and not one that adults could really get into as well; the second reason is that I've never been a big fan of Jack Black, and anything featuring him in more than a supporting role I usually can write off completely. Still, an awards pedigree (the original was nominated for both the Golden Globe and Academy Award) plus a lack of real alternatives forced my hand, and for the second time this year (the first was Rango) I ventured into a theater where the median audience member age was less than would be legal to consume alcohol in Massachusetts.

Oh, that panda! He's so CRAZY!

The film begins with an opening montage that describes the backstory for the film's villain, Lord Shen (Gary Oldman). Shen, an heir to the throne who was exiled due to some shockingly not-for-kids genocidal acts committed in the quest for power, has returned to his family's throne bearing a new weapon, one that threatens to destroy all of Kung Fu. Meanwhile, Dragon Warrior Po (Black) and his allies the Furious Five are asked to investigate the death of one of the greatest martial arts masters, and Shen and his secret weapon may be somehow involved. Additionally, Po learns that the goose Mr. Ping (James Hong) is not his biological father and searches for the answer to who he really is and who his parents were.

Semblematic to the amount of plot they tried to cram in there

It's this last part that actually generates the most interest for this film. While it was odd enough to think that a goose would have a panda son in the first film, this idea was mostly ignored, with the anthropomorphic element so in play that the question didn't even follow. With the revelation that Po was discovered and adopted, the story turns in parts to Po's identity and where he comes from, a sweet and subtle story that has him remembering bits and pieces of his childhood before he ended up in his adopted father's care, and seeking his original family out. While adoption stories are not infrequent plot threads, the execution here is one of the few shows of perfection the film possesses.

Yeah, yeah, we get it. The panda is crazy.

With that exception however, the rest of the film proves to be almost an almost complete mediocrity. Although there is one inventive fight scene early on that has the heroes battling in a village of musicians (and has some of the background music performed by a direct result of the action), much of the settings and story feel unoriginal and uninspired. The setup for the story is rushed and without surprise, and the whole thing would have benefited if we HADN'T been told the entire backstory up front. Even worse, the jokes fall flat, and most of the film slips between unfunny comedy and too-serious drama. Tack on less than spectacular visuals and you don't come up with a very entertained viewer.

About to take this franchise behind the shed to hide it from the children

One of the worst things an animated feature film can do is load itself down with celebrity voices, because hey, who cares if they'll never actually see the actors on screen? Sure, you can argue that you're getting the best people for the job by hiring Hollywood's elite, but your argument goes down the tubes when that "elite" talent does very little over the course of the film. Black is better than expected in a leading role, with Po easily being one of his deepest performances while still allowing him to retain his usual brand of laid-back enjoyment. And Gary Oldman is wonderfully malicious as Lord Shen, his presence perfectly voiced for the role. It's the rest of the cast that is either misused or overpaid, as Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Jackie Chan, David Cross, Seth Rogen, and Dustin Hoffman having little to no character development, meaningless and unfunny dialogue, and more or less being paid top dollar for replacement level jobs. Michelle Yeoh, Danny McBride, Dennis Haysbert and Jean-Claude Van Damme are other big names brought in whose talents are unrecognizable on screen and therefore unnecessary. Essentially it's money thrown out the window, and doesn't do the film any favors.

Those pesky Jehovah's Witnesses never learn...

Despite authentic appreciation for ancient Chinese customs and kung fu action films, there's not a whole lot to invest yourself in when it comes to Kung Fu Panda 2. Cheesy and unfunny dialogue and an average story mean that your first impression upon seeing trailers for this film were most likely spot on. Kids might get some fun out of it, thanks to second-grade physical humor, but rationally-thinking adults would probably be better off with a good book. Unless your children are begging, skip it.