Saddle Sore

You know that thing that seems like a really bad idea? Somebody's going through with something, and for the energy and attention and hype they are devoting to that project, you can't for the life of you understand why? That's pretty much my case with Disney's epic western, The Lone Ranger. All the elements for failure are here. With very few exceptions, nobody WATCHES westerns anymore. On top of that, the budget for this particular piece is so bloated ($215 million, not counting advertising) that it would have to be the highest grossing western ever JUST to be considered a success. Plus, Disney's attempts to push into the action-adventure genre in recent years have fallen flat creatively, and for every financially successful dip into the nostalgia pool (Oz the Great and Powerful) there have been far too many pricey belly flops (Prince of Persia, John Carter and the last Pirates flick, for example). Finally, there's a bunch of negative attention out there focused on the casting of Johnny Depp as Comanche sidekick Tonto, which essentially has the top-billed star performing the Native American variant of blackface. Can The Lone Ranger overcome all these issues by simply issuing the statement that it was from the same team that brought you Pirates of the Caribbean (director Gore Verbinski, producer Jerry Bruckheimer and Depp)?

The short answer is no, it cannot.

Surrender is not an option.

Based on the character from the popular TV show and radio serials that first appeared way back in the 1930's, The Lone Ranger tells the origin of the man once known as John Reid (Armie Hammer), who returns home from college to Colby, Texas to become the new District Attorney. Unknowingly, he is aboard the same train as outlaw Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner), soon about to hang for his crimes against the Indian natives. But when Cavendish's gang breaks him out, kills several Texas Rangers (John's brother included) and leaves the young lawyer for dead, John must team up with eccentric Comanche Tonto (Depp) to avenge his family and bring law back to the untamed West as the masked outlaw known as The Lone Ranger

Hope you like him... he gets old fast.

Right from the start, we're assaulted with idiotic imagery, as the opening scene takes place in a San Francisco museum in the 1930's, where a young fan of the Lone Ranger meets an aged and demented Tonto (Depp in heavy makeup). There, Tonto begins to narrate the entire tale, a plot device so contrived and ill-conceived that I can't believe it made the final cut. Why not just go right into the story and action? Do we NEED to see that no matter what, the legend of the Ranger has endured? Isn't what you're about to show us going to do that? It's a lousy way to begin this whole experience, as I don't ever remember Pirates needing to remind us that the entire plot was written around a theme park ride.

The railroad: our first major environmental devastator.

This is just the beginning of Lone Ranger's problems, as that opening (and subsequent occasional story-breaking subplot) sets the tone for a movie that can't figure out what it wants to be. On one hand, it's light-hearted action-adventure, with classic cowboy gun play, colorful bad guys and even a bit of witty dialogue. On the other, it tries way too hard to overcome its lighter fare and attempts to show some authentic culture of the time. This includes a scene in which one of the bad guys (in this case, Barry Pepper's military officer) leads an army in the slaughter of an invading Comanche tribe. With bodies clogging up a river, it's a powerfully sad reminder of the atrocities committed in the name of "progress." And then, not twenty seconds later, Tonto tells a one-liner about a horse. It's this unevenness in theme and plot even within the confines of a single scene that mars much of the fun that could have been had with this western tale.

HBC with a gun leg? Are you sure Tim Burton didn't direct this bit?

And that's sad, because the film really does have its moments. Despite any niggling concerns about the quality of the production, this is a veteran team who have committed great acts of filmmaking in the past. This was especially true for the first Pirates of the Caribbean, and there are times during Ranger where you remember why you liked that swashbuckling adventure so much. The action is better than you might expect, culminating in an insanely epic - and surprisingly fun - battle atop, under and through racing train cars, set to an updated (but still classic-sounding) variant of Rossini's 'William Tell Overture.' Though the special effects are not always as sharp as they could be, at least they don't possess the cartoonish quality of a George Lucas adventure. It's easily some of Verbinski's best action work, and never feels overlong (which you couldn't say about any of Pirates' battles). There are also a slew of talented actors and interesting characters, though for the life of me I'm not sure how I feel about Ruth Wilson's mediocre performance. On the more positive side, Armie Hammer is as pleasant a lead as you can get. I wish he'd pick better projects (his last two were the terrible Mirror Mirror and the meh J. Edgar), but at least you can't say anything negative about his efforts or talent. He's supported by a bevy of charismatic villains in Fichtner, Pepper, and Tom Wilkinson as a corrupt business magnate (in Hollywood, is there any other kind?), who are a triple threat to the forces of justice. However, I wish we could have seen a bit more of Helena Bonham Carter's peg-legged (and bad-ass) brothel madam Red Harrington, who charms in a few scenes but is missing for almost the entirety of the movie. James Badge Dale meanwhile rounds out the cast (and is enjoying a pretty good career run presently) as John's brother.

Let's just get this trope out of the way.

But the film boasts two big stars. One is featured on the poster above; the other is not. One was in Pirates of the Caribbean; the other was not. One has a few moments of levity but is otherwise remarkable; the other is a horse who absolutely steals the show. Johnny Depp fails to attain the same level of entertainment he managed as Captain Jack Sparrow, which I wouldn't even bother mentioning if it weren't obvious they were trying to emulate the exact same process by making Tonto a wise-cracking, deranged and occasionally dangerous individual who is supposed to steal scenes and chew scenery. However, he doesn't do any of those things, despite wearing a dead bird on his head and wearing more makeup than KISS. His too-frequent motions to "feed" the bird get old after the first few minutes, and his monotonously-delivered dialogue doesn't show the same charisma we've come to expect from the actor. And his Native American routine (which I'm sure was meant to be endearing and honorable) never feels fully developed, as though he and the filmmakers never really took the time to nail down his characteristics. While it's certainly not as insulting as it could have been (especially when there are a few Native American actors in here that are great), there's no doubt that Depp was the wrong man for the job (seriously, the kid who plays his younger self has darker skin), brought in as box office padding and nothing more.

Guess who's better?

No, the star of The Lone Ranger turns out to be none other than Silver, the albino horse who can often be seen hanging out in trees or silently arguing with his human counterparts. Stories from the set overtly praise the abilities of Silver, and his on-screen antics certainly seem to prove these tales accurate. However, he doesn't stand out in all that many scenes, and even then as a comedic foil to the Ranger and even to Tonto's more lucid moments. Still, it's a sad day in the industry when a horse not only outperforms his human hosts, but does so with relative ease.

"I am the Law."

Sadly, despite a few glimmers of genuinely strong filmmaking, The Lone Ranger is everything you might have feared: it's a pretty, over-bloated, uneven, SFX-dependent, mediocre, and slightly racist epic that never deserves the attention that it attempts to demand. It's understandable why the marketing department for this film focused so hard on the "from the people who brought you Pirates" plan, as I'm sure the remaining fans of that franchise represented a significant percentage of those who actually showed up opening weekend. But Lone Ranger is no Curse of the Black Pearl. Its desire to resurrect the western genre is admirable, but better movies have been made in recent years (including True Grit and 3:10 to Yuma) that had far less a budget than the one used by Bruckheimer and crew. If he and his fellow producers had perhaps lowered their ambitions somewhat and put together a smaller, low-tech production with the crew and cast that they had, The Lone Ranger might have been a winner. As it is, it's just a mess we'll they'll be spending the next couple of weeks cleaning up.

Chameleons of the Mojave

As I've mentioned before, it often takes a lot for me to want to see an animated film in the theaters. Despite the universal appeal associated with films like The Incredibles, Up, WALL-E and the Toy Story franchise, I tend to wait until they're available on DVD rather than pay the ticket price when they first come out. Of course, "eye-popping" 3D technology has become a game-changer, as most animated films released in the past year did so with that gimmick in hand. Though 3D has yet to garner a mainstream appeal in home entertainment systems, mostly due to price and uneven reviews (thus rendering the medium moot on DVD for the time being), it still isn't enough to drive me to the theaters to see such a film. Mainly I think I have problems paying good money to see a title geared towards small children, but the best animated features appeal to viewers of all ages. Still, I tucked that thought away to see my first animated film of 2011 (and the first in the theater since who knows when) in the Gore Verbinski-directed Rango. The trailer caught my eye some months ago, and so as it was one of my more awaited March films, I chose it over The Adjustment Bureau and Take Me Home Tonight when picking which film I wanted to see this past weekend.

"Psst! Are you holding?"

Johnny Depp voices the film's main character, a mysterious stranger who goes by the name of Rango. Actually, Rango is an unnamed and domesticated chameleon who ends up separated from his human owners in the middle of the Mojave Desert, consequently a fish out of water trying to find salvation from certain death and  - possibly more important - from loneliness. Rango feels so alone in the world, and when he comes across the animal-run town of Dirt, the actor in him creates the Rango persona to be notorious, heroic, mysterious; all the things he wasn't in his previous life. It works well until the facade begins to crumble under the pressure of keeping up appearances and the town's need for a real hero, something Rango isn't sure he truly is.

Despite popular conception, cowboys and baked beans don't mix

Rango is a true homage to films set the wild west; it plays out like a light-hearted Sergio Leone spaghetti western, right down to its authentic character archetypes and camera angles. While Rango himself is more of an outsider, the townsfolk are legitimate western folk, from the orphaned daughter of an alcoholic father fighting to control her land (voiced by Isla Fisher) to an overly-nervous bank manager (Stephen Root), a bandit outlaw (Bill Nighy) and a charismatic double-talking mayor (Ned Beatty), just represented by animals. While being perhaps cliches of preexisting characters, the director and actors do amazing work by treating the material straight and making what could have been a ridiculous farce into quality craftsmanship. The film even has it's own narrative mariachi band ("manned" by owls, no less) to help keep the film going on at a brisk pace.

Most awkward wedding photo EVER

The acting here is simply outstanding, and Verbinski made the right choice issuing Depp to lead this cast, though perhaps not for the reasons you might think. Despite his fame for playing such eccentric characters as The Mad Hatter, Edward Scissorhands and of course Captain Jack Sparrow, Depp actually plays the role of "the normal guy" so well that he disappears into this role. Having a voice-over part in this vein actually helps hide the fact that Depp is in fact he character in question, adding to his smooth delivery. He is also perfect in the cockier "Rango" persona, a mix between classic Robert Redford and a giddy schoolchild living out his wildest dream. Depp's more subdued performance also plays perfectly to his less-heralded co-stars, letting them shine around him. Fisher is perfect as the tough-girl romantic interest Beans, a desert iguana with self-defense mechanism (freezing in place) so out of kink that she suddenly stops at inopportune times. She also is the most vocal advocate against the problems the town has, and is most suspicious of this new stranger in town. Nighy is completely unrecognizable as the evil bandit Rattlesnake Jake, who terrorizes the small town of Dirt. Nighy is delightfully evil and revels in the role, though it's not a very big one by most standards. Beatty is similarly smarmy as the resident mayor/businessman, eyes constantly looking towards "the future." Abigail Breslin is underused but not misused as a young smart-mouthed child who eventually looks up to Rango, and Root is his usual outstanding self as several characters, most notably the nervous bank manager. Harry Dean Stanton, Alfred Molina, Timothy Olyphant, and Ray Winstone all do great work playing characters who help and hinder Rango along the line of the film's plot. The acting, with Depp at its core, is talent extraordinaire, a testament to Verbinski's skills at finding the best people for the roles.

"Fitting in" is usually not so impossible for a chameleon

The film surprised me in a many ways, but a few of them weren't as good. For one, a film supposedly geared towards children was surprisingly violent. I'm not suggesting all kids are going to be scared by this film, but the doesn't gloss over the violence inherent in the Western genre (guns, dehydration, explosions), painting a film that probably should have been marketed to teens instead. Though not overly or even aggressively violent (more focusing on the spirit of adventure), the film does have its scary moments, mostly thanks to Rattlesnake Jake and a giant hawk. Secondly, for a supposed comedy, it wasn't particularly funny. The first half of the film elicited nary a chuckle from the dialogue, mainly dependent on the slapstick elements of the film to get over on the kids. There are some good bits after the midway point (SPOILER: When Rango and his posse go undercover as traveling actors, their target responds "Thespians? That's illegal in seven states!"), the film is much more serious than the trailers would lead you to believe, including topics of death, mild and implied profanity and the consumption of alcohol. I'm not against these things; in fact, when the subject at hand is an homage to Western film, I should pretty much EXPECT it. I didn't, however, expect to find it here.

"But why is the RUM gone!?"

One of the more amazing things about this film is that it's a 3D animated film by a company that is usually only known for it's effects work. George Lucas's special effects company Industrial Light and Magic is usually associated with other films' special effects departments, but here they created the 3D modeling for their first feature film. The biggest surprise from all of this may be how amazingly well their first time went. Visuals, especially the sun-baked desert, are perfectly rendered, and the characters are expertly built, especially the multi-faceted Rango. Still, if the film had half of the technological wonder it did, it would still have all it needs to be a worthy film. Authentic environments, interesting characters, and respect for the source material; Rango takes all these things and turn it into one of the more unassumingly fun films this year. Charming itself to #1 on 2011's Top Film's list, Rango was a very different film than I had imagined going in. But when you focus on what the film IS, instead of what it was supposed to be, you can appreciate it for the amazing feeling it gives.