Wayans, No Brothers

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The Return of Ryan Gosling

This is actually a flick I've been waiting quite a while to see. Gangster Squad was originally supposed to hit theaters in September, but met with controversy over the summer. See, the original trailer, which first aired back in May, featured a scene in which Los Angeles gangsters opened fire in a crowded movie theater in what was surely meant to be an ambush on the film's heroes. That's fine enough, but with the similar and tragic real-life Aurora, Colorado shootings, it wasn't exactly something they could include in the final cut. And so the trailer and the scene were dropped, the scene was relocated and re-shot, and in January we finally get to see Ruben Fleischer's noir cop drama, based on the crime reign of mobster Mickey Cohen.

In the late 1940's, Los Angeles is as corrupt as any city can get. Mafia boss Cohen (Sean Penn) rules ruthlessly, buying off the law and eliminating both those who oppose and fail him. When the chief of police Bill Parker (Nick Nolte) calls upon the likes of honest cops and WWII vets O'Mara (Josh Brolin) and Wooters (Ryan Gosling) to assemble an "off the books" squad to wage a guerrilla war against Cohen's operations, it's more an act of desperation as anything else. Cohen has such a stranglehold on the city that nobody else wants to even try to fight his criminal empire. O'Mara and his men have some initial success, but to truly end Cohen's reign, it might take more effort than six men are able to handle.

Be cool guys, be cool.

If you're like me, the words "Based on a true story" have little meaning in a Hollywood that doesn't hesitate to bend our outright twist the truth to benefit their narratives. Though several characters in the story - from Cohen to Parker to gangster Jack Dragna - are based on real-life counterparts, the film doesn't bother sticking to all but the basic truths about them. Even if I hadn't fact-checked a number of egregious falsehoods that the story presents, I still wouldn't have bought it; the action scenes - while mostly beautifully shot - feel too much like a video game, as heroes and villains alike fire endless bullets unless the lack of ammunition could be used as a quick plot device. This would have been welcome had this been a fantastical action piece a la The Avengers and not a gritty crime drama supposedly in the vein of LA Confidential. There are also major logic holes in the story, moments that make no sense in the sense of what we have followed, leading to confusion among the audience. Fleischer, who is better known for his comedies Zombieland and 30 Minutes or Less, is a bit out of his element here, opting to go for the classy visuals but not adding any real meat to the imaginative script.

Worse makeup than Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Looper.

Fleischer at least puts a competent cast in front of the camera, but he then wraps them around stock characters and so perfectly wastes their potential. Rising stars Anthony Mackie and Michael Pena are the Gangster Squad's requisite minority members. Robert Patrick is literally a cowboy, complete with duster and matching mustache. Giovanni Ribisi is the lone family man whose death is all but guaranteed. Nolte is the quintessential grizzled Police Chief. Ryan Gosling (returning after not appearing all of last year) and Emma Stone reunite for the first time since Crazy Stupid Love, and while they're hardly original as a smooth-talking Vice cop and a good bad-girl, respectively, they at least have the chemistry to make their on-screen romance work. The film ends up being owned by Brolin and Penn, though it's not easy. Brolin is a solid force, lacking in anything that makes him excellent or even charismatic, but maintaining his stoic leadership throughout his scenes. He's too used to performing dramas; Men In Black 3 perfectly exhibited his comedic abilities, and he'd be wise to pursue that vein. Penn meanwhile has to overcome horrible prosthetic makeup and a hammily-written caricature, but still manages to tap into the essence of the deeper character, brilliantly stealing more than his share of moments.

This one's for the ladies (and select gentlemen) in the house.

Still, despite Gangster Squad's liberal interpretation of history, quarrelsome script, boring title, uneven direction, dependence on style over substance, massive plot holes and wasted acting, I was found to be actually enjoying myself overall. Why? Fleischer keeps the story (as poor as it is) moving forward, and as cardboard cutouts go, the heroes were actually root-able to sufficient a degree. And in most cases, the director's manic action sequences are exciting enough if you keep expectations reasonable. It's not all that much of a movie, but at least for 2013 it's a step up from Texas Chainsaw 3D, and sits prettily at #1 for the year. Sure, I know Ryan Gosling fans were hoping for more from their hero after his star-turning 2010-11, but for that they may have to await the upcoming The Place Beyond the Pines or Only God Forgives, both slated for later this year. Gangster Squad is good for a bit of fun, but be sure to lower your expectations at the door.

Open Letters Monthly: Zero Dark Thirty

One of the most important moments of our generation is easily the attack by extremists on September 11, 2001. If you were to ask ten people on the street, nine would be able to tell you exactly where they were when news of the first plane crashing into Tower One. Since then, we as a nation have been subjected t constant conflict in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, and other countries around the globe in what has become known as "The War on Terror." While it has yet to come to a close, 2011 saw an end of sorts when a covert task group succeeded in killing Osama bin Laden, leader of al Qaeda and the man responsible for organizing attacks on our home soil.

Director Kathryn Bigelow has been trying to make this film since the success of her last Middle East war tale The Hurt Locker, and what she succeeds in bringing to the big screen takes everything you thought you knew about the War on Terror and turns it on its ear. Maya is a CIA operative newly stationed in Pakistan after the 9/11 attacks. She single-mindedly dedicates herself to finding and eliminating her country's greatest threat, and sees many friends come and go for almost a decade. Finally, when all hope seems lost, one tiny lead will finally lead her to the end of her mission and the safety of her country.

Zero Dark Thirty is directed by Kathryn Bigelow and stars Jessica Chastain, Jason Clarke, Kyle Chandler, Joel Edgerton, Mark Strong, Jennifer Ehle, Edgar Ramirez, Mark Duplass and James Gandolfini. It is the #1 movie of 2012.

Click here to read the full review on Open Letters Monthly.

And The Nominees Are...

As I've been mentioning lately, the biggest awards show on the planet, the Academy Awards, was getting ready to name its nominations. Well, this Thursday they finally made their announcements, and while I manged to sleep throughout the whole thing, I was fortunate enough to have access to a global information superhighway full of people who were already expressing their collective shock  at the snubs and surprises that will be up for golden statues this coming February. Information securely in hand, here's my take and predictions for the upcoming Oscar race.

Best Original Screenplay nominee: Moonrise Kingdom

Best Writing (Original Screenplay): Amour - Michael Haneke; Django Unchained - Quentin Tarantino; Flight - John Gatins; Moonrise Kingdom - Wes Anderson & Roman Coppola;  Zero Dark Thirty - Mark Boal

Who will Win: This is definitely a talented group of nominees, and strong group of writers. Sadly, only one can come out on top, and that's probably going to be big winner of the night Zero Dark Thirty.

Who SHOULD Win: Though I can't yet give Amour or ZD30 the critique they deserve (soon, I promise), I loved both Django and Moonrise Kingdom, the latter of which lost out on a much-deserved Best Picture nod. I would not be disappointed if either stole the trophy.

What Should be There: Flight was a fine movie, but it was also extremely ordinary, with only the acting performances making it the hit it was. In a category that regularly gives credit to offbeat, imaginative fare, a nod to Rian Johnson for his sci-fi thriller Looper would have been much deserved. Or perhaps even Martin McDonagh's wildly irreverent Seven Psychopaths.

Best Adapted Screenplay nominee: Beasts of the Southern Wild

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay): Argo - Chris Terrio; Beasts of the Southern Wild - Lucy Alibar & Ben Zeitlin; Life of Pi - David Magee; Lincoln - Tony Kushner; Silver Linings Playbook - David O. Russell

Who will Win: This is a tough race, with five Best Picture nominees vying for their first major win of the night. With that in mind, it will likely be Kushner's adaptation of "Team of Rivals" that takes it home.

Who SHOULD Win: Again, this is a tough choice, but of the five movies on this list, the one I loved the most (and largely because of its deft, authentic writing) was Argo. Terrio did a great job putting this experience down on paper, and was a huge reason the film has gotten so much love.

Who was Snubbed: Sure, it would have been a dark horse candidate, especially in such a deep field of nominees, but I wouldn't have minded if Life of Pi had been dropped and an underrated, more artistically penned screenplay had made the cut, Steven Chbosky's The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It certainly would have been a better selection than the comically-overrated Pi.

Best Foreign Film nominee: Amour

Best Foreign Language Film: Amour - Austria; Kon-Tiki - Norway; No - Chile; A Royal Affair - Denmark; War Witch - Canada

As with most years, the Foreign Language Film category has one major contender and a handful of minor hopefuls. This year it is Palme D'or winner Amour that holds the honor of fairest of them all (it's also nominated for Best Picture), but there is some actual competition from long shots A Royal Affair and No. However, either of them winning would take a groundswell of public support, which seems unlikely. Kon-Tiki and War Witch are negligible nods at best, which makes the snub of international powerhouse The Intouchables such a surprise. The French film, which broke box office records overseas before putting up decent numbers stateside, would have been a strong contender for the prize had it been nominated. Instead, Amour will take it easily.

Best Animated Feature nominee: Wreck-It Ralph

Best Animated Feature Film: Brave - Pixar; Frankenweenie - Disney; ParaNorman - LAIKA; The Pirates! Band of Misfits - Aardman/Sony; Wreck-It Ralph - Disney

Who will Win: In what was an amazing upset in 2012, Disney animation actually managed to beat Pixar at its own game of creating wholly original worlds and characters and infusing them with a great story and humor that worked for kids and adults. For that reason alone, they deserve to take home the statue for Wreck-It Ralph.

Who SHOULD Win: It's actually a tough race, and I won't feel bad if Wreck-It Ralph wins (quite the opposite, actually), but I was extremely and pleasantly surprised with the quality of stop-motion animated film ParaNorman. If anybody was going to pull an upset, it should be those the guys and gals from LAIKA.

What are YOU doing there? In what was definitely a big year for animated films, I think I speak for everybody when I am SHOCKED at the nomination of Pirates!, a move that officially shut Dreamworks completely out of the category. Pirates! certainly deserved the nod more than Rise of the Guardians or Hotel Transylvania, but that it managed to draw attention to itself after a disappointing theatrical run is a miracle in and of itself. Mayhaps The Academy felt bad for snubbing the excellent Arthur Christmas last year, but whatever their reason I hope it helps this underrated comedy find a second life on home media.

Best Supporting Actress nominee: Anne Hathaway

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Amy Adams - The Master; Sally Field - Lincoln; Anne Hathaway - Les Miserables; Helen Hunt - The Sessions; Jacki Weaver - Silver Linings Playbook

Who will Win, and SHOULD: She sings! She acts! She's simply astounding! The role might not have been the biggest in Les Miserables, but Anne Hathaway wowed everybody who watched Tom Hooper's revamped big screen musical with a powerful, emotional performance that broke your heart and never quite let you recover. She also has a strong set of lungs, no doubt surprising most viewers with her vocal abilities.

Fancy Seeing YOU Here! Though I thought she did a wonderful job as a sex surrogate in The Sessions, I never actually expected Helen Hunt to collect a nomination for her performance. It was a pleasant surprise for the all-but-overlooked gem, and Hunt put together a glorious comeback performance. Weaver was also a surprise, though her limited screen time and lack of major presence in Silver Linings obscures exactly how she got in. Frankly, I thought she was more effective in The Five Year Engagement, and I CERTAINLY wouldn't have nominated her for THAT.

Who was Snubbed: While I am all for Amy Adams, Hathaway and Hunt, there were a large number of ladies eligible for nomination passed over for the less-impactful Weaver and the overly-dramatic Sally Field. Helen Mirren (Hitchcock), Maggie Smith (Best Exotic Marigold Hotel or Quartet) and Judi Dench (Skyfall) would have all been viable alternatives, every one of them a game changer who made their films far more entertaining seemingly without effort. Maybe the Academy just didn't want Hathaway to see any competition. If so, then she'd better win.

Best Supporting Actor nominee: Philip Seymour Hoffman

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Alan Arkin - Argo; Robert De Niro - Silver Linings Playbook; Philip Seymour Hoffman - The Master; Tommy Lee Jones - Lincoln; Christoph Waltz - Django Unchained

Who will Win: Another tough category, though I fully expect The Master's lone major win to come here. Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of the greats, and was easily the best part of Paul Thomas Anderson's uneven narrative.

Who SHOULD Win: If there's any upset here, I truly hope it goes to Tommy Lee Jones, whose portrayal of congressman and noted abolitionist Thaddeus Stevens was a surprise even among a cast that featured dozens of quality and talented performers.

Who was Snubbed: There were a number of snubs, and while none would likely have toppled Hoffman, they're still too numerous to ignore. Maybe Javier Bardem (Skyfall) and Matthew McConaughey (Magic Mike) were a bit too outside the box for The Academy, but names I'm shocked didn't make the cut include Leonardo DiCaprio (no offense, Christoph) for Django, John Goodman (instead of Arkin) for Argo, and either Sam Rockwell or Christopher Walken for Seven Psychopaths instead of De Niro's good-but-not-THAT-good turn in Silver Linings. And while I'm not surprised by now that Salmon Fishing in the Yemen star Amr Waked was avoided, his performance was one of the most unheralded of the year. He should have had a serious shot at recognition.

Best Directing nominee: Steven Spielberg

Best Directing: Amour - Michael Haneke; Beasts of the Southern Wild - Ben Zeitlin; Life of Pi - Ang Lee; Lincoln - Steven Spielberg; Silver Linings Playbook - David O. Russell

Who will Win: Putting out his best movie in almost two decades, Steven Spielberg should be all but guaranteed to cross the stage when the winner is announced.  He's won twice before, but Lincoln is one of those impossible-to-avoid titles and Spielberg deserves much of the credit for doing it right.

Who MIGHT Win: Michael Haneke and Ben Zeitlin were both surprise nominees for this award, and both no doubt harbor dark horse aspirations. If either of these directors takes the prize I doubt many people will cry foul.

Who was Snubbed, and Might Have Won: The biggest shocker of the nomination announcements might have been the snubbing of three favored contenders: Tom Hooper for Les Miserables, Ben Affleck for Argo, and Kathryn Bigelow for Zero Dark Thirty. Bigelow was the biggest upset, as her film was largely considered among critics to be the best of the year. Whether it still can win without a director's nod is a mystery for now.

Best Actress nominee: Jessica Chastain

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Jessica Chastain - Zero Dark Thirty; Jennifer Lawrence - Silver Linings Playbook; Emmanuelle Riva - Amour; Quvenzhane Wallis - Beasts of the Southern Wild; Naomi Watts - The Impossible

Who will Win: Despite the question surrounding her film's Best Picture chances, there's no doubt that Jessica Chastain will walk away with her first ever Oscar next month.

Who Could Upset: Actually, it's a VERY tough category, as you've got three young up-and-comers, an industry veteran, and the oldest ever Best Actress nominee fighting for attention. Chastain and Lawrence are both young talented women with long futures (and likely more nominations) ahead of them. Wallis is also talented, but a novelty at this point and shouldn't be considered a serious contender. The Impossible isn't exactly breaking down box office numbers, so Watts likely won't win this time. Keeping that in mind, Riva could topple the crowd if the the votes go exactly the right way. That would be a huge upset, albeit extremely unlikely.

Who was Snubbed:Actually, this was one of the more benign categories of the night. Sure, I could force the issue and toot my own personal picks as having been overlooked (Silent House's Elizabeth Olsen, Friends With Kids' Jennifer Westfeldt, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen's Emily Blunt, For a Good Time, Call...'s Ari Graynor), but frankly the Academy made the best picks they possibly could. Some have called for Marion Cotillard in Rust and Bone, but I doubt enough people really care.

Best Actor nominee: Joaquin Phoenix

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Bradley Cooper - Silver Linings Playbook; Daniel Day-Lewis - Lincoln; Hugh Jackman - Les Miserables; Joaquin Phoenix - The Master; Denzel Washington - Flight

Who will Win: In a position similar to that of Meryl Streep last year, Daniel Day-Lewis is by far the best performer nominated. He's already won twice before (for My Left Foot and There Will Be Blood), but to be frank he hands down deserves this one.

Who was Snubbed and SHOULD Win: This was the snub that bothered me the most. It was the perfect opportunity for The Sessions' John Hawkes. His biggest rivals, Day-Lewis and Denzel Washington, are two-time Oscar winners who the Academy would be hesitant to award given a reasonable alternative. Hawkes could have been that alternative; not only does he put forth a performance that is emotionally and physically demanding, but he's proving to be one of those rare consistent talents just reaching his peak. Michael Fassbender was in a similar position last year when his excellent performance in Shame was unfortunately overlooked. But while Fassbender is still a young talent with a long future ahead of him, Hawkes is an industry veteran who deserved this shot. Instead, he'll be sitting on the sidelines.

Who ELSE was Snubbed: Alfred Hitchcock will be ignored at yet another Academy Awards celebration this year. The difference from previous shows is that this time he would have been portrayed by Anthony Hopkins, as critics never quite got on board with his work in Hitchcock. I don't get why; as his perfect imitation and mix of humor and dramatics made for one of the most under-appreciated performances of the year. Also, while Jack Black (Bernie) was an extreme long shot, it should be noted that he had one of his all-time best performances in 2012.

Best Picture nominee: Silver Linings Playbook

Best Picture: Amour; Argo; Beasts of the Southern Wild; Django Unchained; Les Miserables; Life of Pi; Lincoln; Silver Linings Playbook; Zero Dark Thirty

Who will Win: It will have to overcome the obstacle of its director not getting an Oscar nod, but despite that and the manufactured scandals about its stance on torture the winner for this award will most likely be Zero Dark Thirty.

Who SHOULD Win: Once again, I've yet to see ZD30 or Amour, though I have seen everything else. If these two live up to the hype when I see them in the coming weeks, I'll be okay with either taking home the prize. If not, then my loyalty will lean more towards two other non-nominated directors in Argo and Django Unchained.

Who was Snubbed: There weren't a whole lot of surprises in these nominations, and even with the movies I haven't yet caught, this is a much, MUCH stronger field than the Academy put forth last year. I might have switched out one quirky indie for another, as I thought Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom was oodles better than Beasts of the Southern Wild. Otherwise I've got no issue with the selections.

Finally, a few random notes:

- The Dark Knight Rises didn't garner a single nomination. Perhaps the Academy could see past the Christopher Nolan-inspired hype and understand the truth: the conclusion to his Batman trilogy wasn't THAT good.

- See, this is why the Oscars don't have younger viewers. How much you want to bet that if box office juggernaut Marvel's The Avengers had been directed by James Cameron, it would have gotten a Best Picture nod? It'll have to settle for Best Visual Effects.

- Does anybody besides sound engineers actually know what the difference between Sound Mixing and Sound Editing is?

- I think it's great that Maggie Simpson in "The Longest Daycare" was nominated for best Animated Short, but I still hope it loses out to Disney's Paperman, which I could watch on endless loop and still be brought to happy tears.

-  Sorry, Best Original Score nominees, but the best soundtrack all year belongs to a film that's sadly ineligible: Pitch Perfect.

- He's going to lose to Adele, but can you imagine a world in which we call him "Academy Award Winner Seth MacFarlane"? That's crazier than "Academy Award Winner Bret McKenzie" or "Academy Award Winner Eminem".

- Both Snow White adaptations got Best Costume nods. It is my sincerest hope that they both lose.

That's it! What did you think of the nominations? Who were your biggest surprises and snubs?

Thrill of the Hunt

I review over a hundred movies a year, and the fact that I still come nowhere close to seeing the majority of the world's cinema is somewhat humbling. Dismissing those that never actually reach our shores for distribution, there are still dozens of independent, foreign and limited-release features that - if they're very, VERY lucky - will appear in theaters for a week before vanishing. While some are deservedly worth the quick exit, it's still easy to miss an unexpected gem or an outstanding performance when this happens. That certainly appears to be the case for The Hunter, a 2011 Australian film that hit US theaters as The Hunger Games was making beaucoup bucks back in April. It never played in more than 17 theaters during its 10-week run, and was largely ignored by the movie-going public, who were more interested in seeing Marvel's The Avengers or Snow White and the Huntsman. But with award season about to hit and everybody posting their "Best of" lists, there's been some minor buzz over The Hunter's lead actor Willem Dafoe. I've been a fan of Dafoe since seeing him on VHS in Platoon, and he's probably one of the cinema's best and more under-appreciated character actors. The veteran is arguably the best part of many of his movies, from Shadow of the Vampire to Wes Anderson's The Life Aquatic to Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy to Daybreakers. So since The Hunter was available on Netflix and I didn't really have the time to visit the theater, It was a no-brainer to check this out.

What The Hobbit is to New Zealand, The Hunter is to Tasmania.

Dafoe plays mercenary Martin David, an expert hunter sent into the wilds of Tasmania to hunt and obtain genetic material of the elusive Tasmanian Tiger, a creature thought to be extinct but allegedly sighted on two separate occasions. Getting his paycheck from military biotech company Red Leaf, he lands on the island under the guise of a University scientist studying Tasmanian devils. Forced to lodge with a single mother and her two inquisitive young children due to economic hardship in the area, Martin regularly forays into the forests in search of his prey. But even the lone wolf cannot keep from becoming involved with the people around him, even as he tries to keep his true purposes secret. Soon, Red Leaf loses faith in their operative and sends in their own man to "replace" him and get the job done, by any means possible.

"I'm huntin' Wabbits"

I said earlier that Willem Dafoe one of the best character actors in cinema. He easily proves it here with his morally-conflicted, largely silent protagonist, who is about as morose as antiheroes get without being outright annoying about it. In fact, it's a performance similar to that in George Clooney's The American, if you were to replace Clooney's excessive good looks and lady-killing energy with an aged, pockmarked facade. Dafoe's gradual development as a character is endlessly fascinating, as he slowly transforms from the loner who is here to get a job done and nothing else to an emotional and reluctant father figure to the family's young children. The actor puts forth some of his best work to date, and one can only hope that the perennial D-list actor can get some respect this award season. He might not present an actual threat to the likely trifecta of Daniel Day-Lewis, Denzel Washington or John Hawkes, but with organizations choosing not to recognize Anthony Hopkins' work in Hitchcock (though for the life of me I don't understand WHY), there's every chance the Academy could slot him in as a long-shot dark horse. After all, recent years have seen them do the same for Demian Bichir (A Better Life), Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker) and Richard Jenkins (The Visitor), among others. Seeing him nominated for a third Oscar might also rejuvenate a career that certainly deserves it.

He, on the other hand, is hunting Velociraptors.

Actually, there are a number of parallels connecting The Hunter and The American, most notably the dedication to showing off the exotic locations. Longtime television director Daniel Nettheim is no Anton Corbijn when it comes to camera work, but he still does his best to capture the beauty of the Tasmanian wilds, using as many panning nature shots as he can get away with. Scenes may not have anything important occurring but still do tons to establish the region as its own distinct personality. And unlike The American, Nettheim takes the time to set the gulf between the work-starved loggers whose livelihoods depend on the forests and the environmentalist groups who fight to prevent deforestation. In doing so, the director creates a whole human ecosystem that has dramatic effects on the events it tells.

Is a kung-fu flick next on Dafoe's calendar?

Unfortunately, the rest of the movie can't keep up with one actor and a pleasant landscape. The story is full of holes and unexplained phenomena, and while their answers would not solve all the film's problems, they are still the most identifiable. The acting is a second, as while the cast includes the talented Sam Neill and Frances O'Connor, far too much emphasis is placed upon the annoying kids, played by Morgana Davies and Finn Woodlock. The adults by comparison are allowed to do far too little, with Neill especially wasted as little is done to explore his character's seemingly contradictory motives in any real detail. Finally, at the end of a film full of beautiful, almost artwork-like visuals, we are treated to a ridiculously cheap-looking CGI presentation that feels completely out of sync with everything we've already witnessed.

Nothing better to do...

The Hunter is not one of the best movies of last year. In fact, it's not even close. However, for one singular performance it's definitely worth a rental. Dafoe might be an extreme longshot for a Oscar spot that could easily go to Bradley Cooper, Hugh Jackman, Joaquin Phoenix, Richard Gere or Jamie Foxx, but you can't argue with his talent, or the energy he brings to this movie. If you're looking for something dark and philosophical, you could definitely do worse than this slow-burning thriller that will never bore you and at the end might leave you feeling as emotional as it did for me.

Chain Link

This Thursday, January 10, the nomination announcements will be made for this year's Academy Awards ceremony, which will be held on February 24'th and be hosted by Ted's Seth MacFarlane. On my latest day off, I could have prepared for the event by catching up on the few likely nominees I've yet to see. For instance, Naomi Watts is rumored to be up for the Best Actress award for her role in the disaster drama The Impossible, while both Jessica Chastain and her picture Zero Dark Thirty ought to be easy nominees this week. Both are currently playing near me, and it would have been no effort to check them out. But you know what? Screw award shows; I want to see a hulk of a beast of a man executing idiotic teenagers with an assortment of adapted tools, including but not limited to mallets, meat hooks, and chainsaws. And so this weekend was dedicated to Texas Chainsaw 3D (on a side note, you know you're seeing something classy when they actually include the "3D" in the title; see Shark Night 3D, Silent Hill Revelation 3D, etc.).

If it feels too good to be true...

When five friends (naturally) travel to the small town of Newt, Texas, they have no idea what they will find. All they know is that Heather (Alexandra Daddario) has inherited a grand estate from a grandmother she never knew she had. When the house turns out to be more grand than any of them imagined, they postpone their trip to New Orleans to celebrate Heather's new found wealth. But all is not what it seems in this small town, still haunted by the series of serial murders that rocked the area way back in 1974. And with the young men and womens' arrivals, the time is ripe for the masked "Leatherface" to make his triumphant return...

That's right, there's eye candy no matter your sexual preference.

What's special about this particular entry to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise is that it completely ignores every sequel, reboot and prequel that came before it. Instead, Texas Chainsaw 3D is a direct sequel to the Tobe Hooper original, even starting off by recapping the major events and deaths that were the plot of that film. For the record, Hooper had created his own sequel but also has admitted that - despite being arguably the bloodiest all-time mainstream film upon release - he was playing Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 for laughs. And so director John Luessenhop creates a more serious, tense, and bloody incarnation for horror fans.

No, wait, don't tell me! "Speak no evil!"

There are two different results of this "reboot" of sorts. One is that (oh, yeah, this is kind of a spoiler) Luessenhop makes the bold choice to change Leatherface from maniacal monster to dark anti-hero. It's not a great transformation, and a lot of characters have to jump through a lot of magical, logic-reducing hoops to make the entire concept feasible. On the other hand, while it's not the best (or most original) idea in the world, the cast and crew go for broke, selling it to the point that by the time the final credits roll, you will find yourself cheering for the psychotic murderer wearing a human face atop their own, who spent the entire first half of the movie killing our "heroes."

I'm sure your character will fare as well as she did on Lost... oh, wait...

On the other hand, the "modern" style of bloody horror filmmaking is so generic that the whole thing barely needed to be a TCM film at all. If Leatherface had worn a mask made of cotton candy and killed his victims with broken Coke bottles, the difference in experience would have been negligible. The problem is twofold. One, the character just doesn't have quite the same shelf-life of similar movie monsters like Freddy Krueger, Jason Vorhees or Norman Bates. Secondly, modern horror feels so samey in the production style that there's little that differentiates one from another in the new millennium. Actors are taken from the shallow end of the talent pool to save on money, focusing more on looks than acting credibility. When the script and dialogue are so poor, even good actors can't churn out Shakespeare. Daddario, R&B singer Trey Songz, Tania Raymonde, Shaun Sipos and Keram Malicki-Sanchez are the types of actors and actresses who garner the occasional minor role in a REAL major motion picture, but rule the small-budget horror titles like this. They're not bad, but would never get this much exposure in an Oscar-nominated piece, and it's that low ceiling that makes this title the typical mix of gore, dark humor and implausibility that it is.

Screaming really makes up about about 75% of the dialogue.

Still, for the first official film of 2013, You could certainly do worse than a mid-level, average horror film that if nothing else will keep you entertained for a couple of hours. Texas Chainsaw impressed me on a couple of levels, and while anyone not into gory horror schlock won't get much out of it, it's still not as bad as some of the other TCM franchise fare from the past few decades. It's not going to be remembered among the year's best, but it also won't be among the worst. By default, it's the #1 movie of the year, an honor whose reign will certainly decide how cinema in 2013 will go; the sooner this gets knocked down a peg, the better.

Lollapolooza

My father used to be in a band, back when he was a young man living in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I don't recall the band's name, but my sister and I did hear stories of many of their gigs and experiences before they went their separate ways, and my father came north to be with his childhood sweetheart (yes, my mom), and a relatively "normal" life, which thankfully involved kids. That brief, music-filled moment in his life is the target of director David Chase in Not Fade Away, his feature film debut. Chase, who is best known as the creator and Emmy-winning showrunner of The Sopranos, attempts to capture what made music so important in the 1960's, with the emergence of so many iconic rock & roll icons seemingly at once.

Set in a Vietnam-era New Jersey suburb, high school student Douglas (John Magaro) and his friends decide to form a band, inspired by the rise of The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. Despite the grumblings of his working class father (James Gandolfini), Douglas is certain that stardom is in his future, especially when a freak accident shifts him from drummer and backup singer to becoming the group's front man. But infighting, domestic problems, and the realities of the world interfere, and soon they threaten to not only derail Doublas' musical journey, but his relationship with the love of his life (Bella Heathcoate).

Chase definitely has a healthy appreciation for the musical arts, and puts it on full showing any chance he gets here. He definitely realizes and explores the music discoveries that made that period of time so great, from The Beatles' appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show to the Stones showing off for Dean Martin. It's not just rock that gets attention, but also R&B legends like Bo Diddley, James Brown and Elmore James who get praised as inspirations. The band themselves, dubbed the "Twylight Zones" (after Doug's favorite television show), also put on performances of sorts, with excellent cover and original songs dotting the film's playlist. It helps that the soundtrack is cobbled together by legendary musician and Chase collaborator Steven Van Zandt, who does a great job matching the music to the mood the director is trying to achieve, and the result is easily one of the best soundtracks I've heard this year.

Unfortunately, that music mainly becomes a cushion between the audience and the badly-told story to which they're subjected. It's bad enough that the protagonist is someone we grow to dislike over the course of the film; Magaro's Douglas is a churlish young man who does a few things right but most of the time comes off as a pompous - though growing - jerk. Obviously the movie is designed to give him the big revelation and redemption at the end, but by that point we could really care less. What's worse is that every single character and plot thread has been done to death in other, better movies. One character even screams at Douglas about his relationship to Heathcoate's Grace, calling the former high school loser and the former prom queen's eventual pairing "a cliche". What that person (and Chase himself) fails to realize is that everybody in the movie meets that criteria. We've got a diva frontman whose jealousy makes him go too far (Jack Huston), a scheming yes-man who's only in it for his own success (Will Brill), the aforementioned popular girl (Heathcote is at least better here than in the horrid Dark Shadows) and her psychotic, drug-inducing artist sister (Dominique McElligott). Then there's Douglas' family, a pastiche of blue-collar poor families from the era. Playing his mother, Molly Price wears curlers 24/7, goes outside to do yard work in her bathrobe, complains about her wealthier family members, and threatens to commit suicide when she's stressed out. I'm still not sure what to make of Meg Guzulescu as his little sister, who occasionally narrates the story and is otherwise completely useless (actually, she's useless as a narrator as well, but anyway...). Only Gandolfini is even decent, and to be honest you have to believe that Chase (who also wrote the screenplay) created the role with him in mind, as it plays to his strengths and nothing else. Nobody else comes anywhere close to feeling anything unlike cardboard cutouts.

For almost two hours, we're subjected to characters we don't care about going through motions and time jumps and off-screen events that trigger real-time consequences. The narrative could have been forgiven if the final product were not such a jumbled mess, but as things stand you'll barely be able to keep people and situations straight and people's looks swiftly altering in short spurts of time. The music covers up any connections that scenes may share, and while it's nice to listen to, I'd appreciate if it weren't used as a crutch. There are only a few actual "character moments", the most effective being a dinner chat between Douglas and his estranged father. Unfortunately, the scene only barely scratches any deeper meaning behind the characters, and any momentum it develops is quickly and utterly lost.

David Chase has often complained that he's stuck working in television, unable to transcend to the hallowed grounds of moviemaking. But if the films he's going to produce are anything like Not Fade Away - self-important, semi-biographical and thoroughly un-entertaining - then HBO was doing society a favor for all those years. Van Zandt's soundtrack is exemplary, and anybody wishing to relive the music of the sixties will probably find something to keep them going. But the fact is that those people already own these songs on CD or digital (and likely a few on vinyl), rendering the idea of paying for a ticket to see this moot. This isn't the film you are looking for, and if it is you might just be searching the wrong medium for your good times.