But Where Has the Rum Gone: A Hello, Mr. Anderson Summer Movie Preview

And so it begins. As you are reading this, film producers are quivering in anticipation as the Summer film season officially begins. With the midnight releases of Thor and Something Borrowed, Hollywood hopes to kick-start an industry that has so far in 2011 failed at just about every turn. It doesn't help that in the first quarter of 2010, ticket sales were helped immensely by the releases of mega-draws Avatar and Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland; even by more mundane standards it has been a weak year for the cinema, with most films underwhelming in their opening weekends en route to unsatisfying theatrical runs. Expected juggernauts fell far short, as big-budget films The Green Hornet, Sucker Punch, and Battle: Los Angeles failed to find audiences. Even one of my favorite first quarter films, the Matt Damon/Emily Blunt vehicle The Adjustment Bureau, barely made a profit. Animated films were among the few success stories, as Rango, Hop and Rio have brought in big money, but with generally large budgets and inflated 3D ticket prices, even those numbers are somewhat deceptive. Basically, the only way you could make money from January through April was to have low enough expenses to counteract the disappointing opening weekend, best evidenced by the ability of low-budget Insidious to make a little bit go a long way. The tide seemed to turn last weekend with the explosion of theater patrons to see Fast Five, the latest in the Fast & Furious franchise. That change is a good sign for the upcoming Summer season, as many of the films due for release will need much more than I Am Number Four's piddly $54 million domestic dollars to break even. The foreign markets can cover a multitude of sins, but relying on audiences outside the United States just to break even can't be good for morale at the production studios. And so we look ahead to the coming months, with the surefire mix of hits, flops, and everywhere in between.

May

Okay, I realize that May technically begins almost two months prior to the actual Summer Solstice but hey, I don't make the decisions for the film companies. They want to say summer starts in May to create an artificial starting point for their moneymaking releases? Fine by me. May sees several big releases right off the bat, as some of my most awaited 2011 films come out this month. Thor of course continues the road towards 2012's Josh Whedon-directed Avengers movie, and you can practically hear Marvel Comics murmuring in anticipation as this film goes to release. It wasn't too long ago that comic book movies were automatic suck, and it was thanks to Marvel's recent crop of Spider-Man and Iron Man films that changed that trend. Does that guarantee Thor will do well, or be good? Of course not. The trailers look amazing, but Thor is hardly a universally-loved character, even by comic fans, and who knows how many people will actually go out to see this film? I'm hoping for the best, but that's probably since I'll be seeing it sometime this weekend and don't want to have to justify paying 3D ticked prices for admission to a lousy film.

Also on tap for May is the Judd Apatow comedy Bridesmaids, starring SNL stalwart Kristen Wiig along with former co-star Maya Rudolph. Wiig may not have many big-screen successes to her name (Paul disappointed at the box office and 2010's MacGruber was a legitimate flop), but she is funny as hell and will hopefully become a bigger SNL star than Mike Myers was in his heyday. Bridesmaids looks like the perfect vehicle to a post-SNL career, and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing it. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is the fourth addition to the Disney ride-inspired franchise, and from the previews I've seen will either be the best or worst in the series depending on how everything strings together. Johnny Depp of course looks amazing and hilarious, but it's how the story and new characters come together that will determine how the film ultimately turns out. I couldn't sit through The Hangover, but the sequel The Hangover Part II looks to take everything the first film did and turn it on its head, and the trailers look both hilarious and insane. Hesher and Hobo With a Shotgun are low-budget flicks featuring the last people you would expect (Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Rutger Hauer, respectively) as ass-kickers. Both look worth the time at any rate.

And that's more than can be said for some of the other films coming out. Something Borrowed comes out at the same time as Thor, but while I like the talents involved (including Ginnifer Goodwin, Colin Egglesfield and Massachusetts native John Krasinski), I can't get over the fact that it seems to be a film championing stealing your best friend's fiancee. That seems completely unnecessary, even if it is based on a bestselling novel. Of a similar nature is Jumping the Broom, which doesn't look too bad, but doesn't appeal to the 18-49 white male demographic, of which I am a proud card-carrying member. Priest is yet another 3D film that ought not to have been produced. It stars the underrated Paul Bettany and Karl Urban but is directed by Scott Stewart (he of the atrocious Legion) and is based on a graphic novel that nobody really knows about. It sure looks pretty, but I'm betting on empty seats come opening night. The Beaver might catch a lot of flak for the controversy surrounding star Mel Gibson, but otherwise the film could actually be pretty good. It does seem to take a good idea too far however, and I simply feel apathetic about spending my money on this when others are more deserving. Kung Fu Panda 2 will be yet another 3D animated film and will make a lot of money, but don't look for another Oscar nomination, as even the first one was barely interesting. The Tree of Life features the return of director Terrence Malick but the trailers just don't look all that interesting to me, with Sean Penn and Brad Pitt doing anything other than making sense of what is going on. Finally, Passion Play commits the cardinal sin of hiring Megan Fox as the love interest of yet another horribly deformed man (in this case Mickey Rourke) in a film that seems like a mix of Black Swan and an acid drop. 

June

Surprisingly, after a robust May comes a very modest June. Probably the biggest attraction for this month is the sci-fi drama by director J.J. Abrams and producer Steven Spielberg, Super 8. While I usually cringe at anything bearing Spielberg's name these days (for an extreme example, watch the last Indiana Jones flick), Super 8 seems to hearken back to one of his earlier extraterrestrial films, E.T., and while I feel that particular film is overrated it does have quite a bit of magic to it. Combined with Abrams's ability to weave science fiction to his will, Super 8 might just be one of the more memorable films at year's end. Whether that is a good or bad thing remains to be seen.

June is also host to two more superhero movies from both major comic book publishers, X-Men First Class and Green Lantern. X-Men, an attempt to reboot the franchise and featuring an all-star cast (James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, January Jones and Kevin Bacon), looks like fun but may suffer from X-Men syndrome, which has seen each successive film suffer in quality. Sure Wolverine was a fun movie, but that was more of a spin-off than an actual sequel. And this new film won't feature Hugh Jackman in the slightest, so that's one more thing for X-Fans to discredit. Green Lantern does look better, starring Ryan Reynolds as fighter pilot Hal Jordan, who by chance becomes the Earth's newest superhero when he inherits the powers to become a member of an intergalactic police force known as the Green Lanterns. Good previews showcasing action and Reynolds's wry wit make the film look like a lot of fun, even if Hal Jordan isn't the most popular hero on DC's roster. As a side note, the most heartfelt trailer I've seen this year is for a film coming out in June, A Better Life. Focusing on an illegal immigrant working as a gardener in Los Angeles while keeping his son away from the street gangs, the film is considered an early contender for the 2011 award season. Check out the trailer and you'll see why.

This month also has one of the worst trailers I've seen this year, for Bad Teacher. Starring Cameron Diaz as an educator who only bothers with her students when it positively affects her, this film looks more like a traditional Apatow film than Bridesmaids, but doesn't seem to contain any of Apatow's inherent charm. This is especially a shame for co-stars Justin Timberlake, Eric Stonestreet and Jason Segel, who deserve better than this crap shoot. Cars 2 is another animated sequel banking on a successful franchise and 3D technology, but appealing to the NASCAR crowd will only get you so far. Besides, actively hiring Larry the Cable Guy is tantamount to having Sasha Grey perform Shakespeare. Jim Carrey returns to family-friendly fare with Mr. Popper's Penguins. Jim Carry, yeah. Okay, fine, I'll give him credit for a good job in I Love You Phillip Morris but that's all he's getting from me.

July

For as little June brings to the table, July carts it all back with action sequels, hilarious comedies, more superheroes, and animated films from the intellectual properties of yesteryear. There's little doubt that the biggest release this month will be Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the last in the Michael Bay trilogy based on the 1980's toy catalog. I've never seen the first two films, but the trailers for Bay's latest manage to make me salivate, and perhaps I'll go back and watch those films before taking this one in. Dark of the Moon thankfully ditches Megan Fox, though the woman they hired to replace her as Shia LeBeouf's love interest looks to be even less interesting. Still, there seems to be even more insane robot-on-robot action than in any film prior, and that will probably be more than enough to bring in the audiences in record numbers.

By this time, Hollywood is hoping the superhero films aren't entirely played out, as two more comic book films hit the screen. The first, Captain America: The First Avenger, takes place in World War II and features Chris Evans as a genetically-modified super soldier who eventually goes on to found the modern-day superhero team The Avengers. Also starring Hugo Weaving, Tommy Lee Jones and Stanley Tucci, this is easily my most anticipated film for the Summer, as I've always had a healthy respect for Captain America the character, despite his somewhat conservative leanings. You know Marvel Comics is hoping that this franchise does much better than films like Fantastic Four and Ghost Rider, titles that failed to make much of an impact outside of comic book fans. Cowboys and Aliens is also based on a comic series, this pairing of aliens and the Old West in a way that looks good in theory and has legitimate stars in Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford and Olivia Wilde. Directed by Jon Favreau, if it even comes close to the charm of the first Iron Man film, it will deserve to be a hit. The final Harry Potter novel couldn't be contained to one film, and so Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 2 puts the finishing touches on a franchise that has touched millions of readers worldwide. The world of young adult reading will never be the same post-Harry, and the same is true for the films no matter their quality. Larry Crowne and Friends with Benefits are two completely different romantic comedies; the former is a more traditional charmer with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts, the other a sex romp a la No Strings Attached with Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis, and great supporting roles in Woody Harrelson and Patricia Clarkson. Both look good enough to try opening weekend. Crazy Stupid Love is an ensemble comedy with Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling and Julianne Moore that looks like it has a lot of heart where similar films would feature coal. And Winnie the Pooh returns a favorite franchise to the big screen, with Disney's old-school animation and voice acting sure to appeal to viewers of all ages.

From an animated film everyone will love to one nobody will, Smurfs takes the old Hanna Barbera series and turns it into a live-action 3D-animated monstrosity, for whose benefit I'm not sure. Parents will probably be tired of paying extra ticket costs to see 3D films with their kids by this point, so at least it probably won't be as popular outside of circles of animation fan boys. For the love of all that is good, will someone please explain to me the appeal of Kevin James? The oft-delayed Zookeeper comes out in July, but with the exception of Rosario Dawson I can't imagine going out to see yet another talking animals film. And Monte Carlo is just another contrived adaptation of The Prince and the Pauper, with teen star Selena Gomez playing both roles in yet another fantasy built specifically for rich white tween girls.

 August

If I'm getting a little punchy at this point, it's because there's simply so much happening this Summer that it's getting difficult to keep everything straight. The month of August is perhaps the toughest month to figure out, as it looks like the two biggest releases are from two franchises that haven't had much in the way of interaction with film audiences in a long time. Rise of the Planet of the Apes came as a surprise in that the last addition to the series was the poor 2001 Tim Burton remake. To actually create an origin story for a beloved series is a risky move (and hiring James Franco to star as someone with many more brain cells than the real deal doesn't scream of strong casting), but the early looks are good enough and will probably result in yet another successful outing for the Apes. The other new film, Conan the Barbarian, stars Baywatch hottie Jason Momoa, and promises sword-and-sorcery action similar to the old-school Arnold Schwarzenegger films of the eighties. However, retconning a popular series after such a long period of time might backfire, and Momoa isn't exactly a proven commodity. Whether the film is successful will depend on how well critics respond to the new setting, and perhaps even an endorsement from the former "Governator" himself.

Among the rest of the month's releases, most notice will probably be held for The Help, the latest adaptation of a bestselling novel, in this case by author Kathryn Stockett about a Mississippi town's inherent racism when it comes to the hired help during the 1960's and a young white woman who dares to defy it. With a constantly-improving Emma Stone out in front, the film looks extremely promising, and while I cringe at an untried director (Stockett's childhood friend Tate Taylor) talking the helm, I can't help but feel optimistic. Forget The Hangover, the funniest comedy of 2011 might be 30 Minutes or Less, with Oscar nominee Jesse Eisenberg as a pizza delivery man kidnapped and forced to rob a bank with his friend (Parks and Recreations's Aziz Ansari) or the bomb on his chest will explode. The trailer I caught for this left me chuckling for hours afterwards, and if it comes close to its potential it will be amazing. Don't be Afraid of the Dark is a Guillermo del Toro remake of a 1972 horror film that might upset Insidious as the year's scariest film. Fright Night is another remake, this one starring Colin Farrell as a vampire tormenting Star Trek's Anton Yelchin. The talent is there; the question is whether that will be enough. On the final day of August comes The Debt, a suspense film that tells of a team spies who hunt down a war criminal in Cold War-era Soviet territory. With Helen Mirren, Tom Wilkinson and Sam Worthington, it's probably worth seeing on the strength of the acting alone.

I'm not sure if My Idiot Brother is supposed to be The Kids are All Right for hippies instead of lesbians, but at least it has a talented cast including Paul Rudd and Zoey Deschanel. It's hardly the most enticing film I'm expecting, but to be fair that's mainly because I know nothing about the actual plot involved. Final Destination 5 is almost certainly one too many, as a whole new generation of young actors will be killed off in gruesome ways for our amusement. Maybe this will finally be the one to put the last nail in the coffin. Spy Kids 4 hardly makes any sense when the kids from the first three are completely grown up, and probably have kids of their own... OOOOHHHH. The Whisteblower is a classic Rachel Weisz film; important, truthful, and will mainly appeal to The Opinioness. The Change-Up is like Freaky Friday for adults, with Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds playing a weathered family man and swinging bachelor respectively, who through a strange twist of fate switch bodies. It could be good, but R-rated comedies are so hit and miss, especially where sex is involved.And as much as a missing tape found of terrifying moon landing footage seems interesting, I'm reminded that when most franchises go into space it's more often than not a bad thing. Such is the case with the repeatedly-delayed Apollo 18, which takes the documentary-style horror film to the big rock orbiting our planet.

There it is! Summer 2011 in a nutshell. Agree? Disagree? Tell me what films you're looking forward to during this blockbuster season!

Alien Nation

Since I'm known as a movie guy in my circles (not THE movie guy, mind you; I'm still working on that), I often get asked my opinion as to what I think of certain films and genres. Some questions, for instance what I thought was the worst film EVER, are difficult. There are so many bad films released every year, you have to present the question to exclude the low-budget hack jobs that never should have been made in the first place. Even THAT doesn't necessarily pare down the list too much, as true scatological pieces like Waterworld and Red Riding Hood multiply in quantity each year. In short, some questions are so difficult that I may never have a true answer. Naming my favorite film is nowhere near as tricky. Long my movie of choice, Aliens has held a foremost place in my heart since just about forever. While I had been somewhat familiar with the series as a child, what really brought me into the franchise was the batch of Aliens toys that were released several years after that film's theatrical release, sometime in the early nineties. The toy series was loosely based on the characters and creatures from the film, and I had action figures of Ripley, Bishop, Apone and a few Aliens growing up. Later, my cousin showed me his VHS (no DVD back then) of Aliens, and it was love at first sight. It has ever since been my favorite title, and I will herald it as the greatest science fiction film of all time to any who will listen. With some free time on my hands and no compulsion to trudge out to the theater, I decided that I had gone long enough between viewings of My Precious, and enjoyed a perfect evening on the couch.

Campfires on LV-427 traditionally ended in bloodbaths

For those unfortunates not in the know, Aliens is the sequel to Ridley Scott's 1979 space horror film Alien. Directed by sci-fi prodigy James Cameron, Aliens was a vast departure from the film that preceded it. Unlike the horror archetype that dominated the story of the original, the new film introduced action and adventure to the mix, with the liberal addition of guns, soldiers and explosions. Fifty-seven years after surviving the events of Alien, Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) finally makes her way back to Earth frozen in a tiny escape capsule. After being thawed out, her warnings of an alien menace are ignored by "The Company", mostly because the planet where she and her crew dredged up the titular monster had become home to a colony in her absence, and none of them had encountered any problems. Not long after her warning, however, contact with the planet LV-246 is lost, and Ripley is asked/cajoled by her employers to return in the company of rough and tough Space Marines, assured that the mission is to go in and wipe the alien species out, once and for all.

"Got Milk?"

So what is it that makes Aliens so compelling? While the original is a classic, where it lacked was in the character development and plot aspects, two items that usually determine how much I appreciate a film. While Alien successfully introduced a brand new creature that still scares today, it did so in such a way that was somewhat derivative of similar horror fare, and the characters who died for our entertainment did so not as epic personalities, but big name actors (Tom Skerritt, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, Ian Holm) playing shallow roles. Now, don't get me wrong; I LIKED Alien. I really did. But Cameron just did such a good job improving on the original that it feels like a whole other storyline, not the part of a whole that it is in reality. It helps that at the time Cameron was at the top of his game, having just finished Terminator and soon to be going on to make the spectacular sequel T2: Judgment Day. I know I may have my detractors, but I believe Aliens to be his best work, and it's a shame that these days the vision he once had seems to be rather limited in scope to what he can do with technology instead of story. After all, The Abyss was tons better than both Titanic and Avatar, two films for which he has received far too much dubious credit. Back in the eighties Cameron not only made great movie but managed to create two of the most memorable characters in film history, and both just happened to be women: Ripley, and Terminator's Sarah Connor.

Now you're his SPECIAL friend!

Strong character is a staple of any good film, and back in the day Cameron was among the best at building a wealth of personality into his films. And it's not just the leads that get a steady stream of development. Watch the first scenes of Aliens aboard the Marine starship Sulaco: those sequences where we are introduced to the diverse and dangerous marines practically weep character. After just a few moments of dialogue and interaction, we can map their entire biography and everything important needed to care about them as people, not just future cannon fodder. Sure, Ripley runs the show, and why not? Sigourney Weaver is an amazing performer (and as a side note has gotten so much more beautiful with age), able to convey her lines not only through practical dialogue, but subtle shifts in her facial expression and body language. It's easy to understand how she became the face of the franchise, and any film based on the Alien trademark that doesn't have her in a starring role just feels wrong, which of course is why the horrid Alien: Resurrection brought Ripley back from the dead (and of course she was the best part). Still, the strengths of the bit players makes the film feel just right. As I mentioned, it only takes a moment to understand the habits and motivations of the characters: from Sergeant Apone (Al Matthews)'s guttural growl and tendency to follow orders to the letter, to Drake (Mark Rolston) and Vasquez (Jenette Goldstein)'s tight friendship and bulldog attitudes, to the smart-mouthed nervousness of Private Hudson (Bill Paxton), Aliens was populated by smart roles that never felt stuck in first gear. When Bishop (Lance Henriksen) did the knife trick and Hicks (Michael Biehn) fell asleep in his dropship harness, those were moments when you really felt CONNECTED to the film and its occupants, and it's something you rarely get to feel when watching action movies nowadays.

My sister would approve Ripley's liberal use of duct tape to face the Alien horde

Another amazing aspect introduced by Cameron (and consequently ditched by the succeeding sequels) was the role of Ripley as a maternal figure. This was a motivation he sought also in his Terminator franchise with Sarah Connor and her son John, and the question of what a mother will do for her child makes itself known here with Ripley caring for the orphaned Newt (Carrie Henn). It escalates to to such a point that even the final showdown between Ripley and the Alien Queen is practically mom against intergalactic mom. While there is some inherent danger perhaps in overtly defining a woman by her maternal instincts, that aspect is done so well here that it takes the film to a whole other level. Scenes between Ripley and Newt are so compelling that they could easily be made part of a completely dissimilar film and still make perfect sense. Once again it's that attention to getting characters right that makes the film move forward, not the tension of waiting for monsters to strike - although that is still quite good, now that you mention it.

"Get away from her, you BITCH!" The best line in ANY movie

So why is it I love Aliens? Sure, the special effects are amazing for their time and Ellen Ripley is the most kick-ass character I can think of in film. Aliens spouts tons of memorable lines (including the near-famous "Game over, man!") and characters of such strength and motivation they would be leads in lesser titles. It also features one of the scariest movie monsters of all time, a creature that commits atrocities not out of malevolence but out of survival and procreation. The alien even enjoys its best day in the sun as Cameron's interpretation of the alien "hive" is one of the most enduring myths of the franchise. Finish off with a story that tells smoothly and with no wasted bits, and you could say that the ENTIRE FILM is in fact the best part. As complete a film as I have ever seen, and easily the first example you should point out to people who insist that science fiction brings nothing good to the table. My all-time favorite.

Faster than Light

Oh, happy day! With the week's selection of new releases woefully unappealing (no thank you, Prom and Hoodwinked Too), I was more than happy to make action film Fast Five my latest destination this past weekend. The fifth (if the title wasn't a dead giveaway) in the box office-smashing franchise, the film was prefaced by trailers featuring amazingly fast cars, superb chase sequences, and just about every important character from the series making a return. I don't have much experience with the Fast and the Furious series; with only the first movie under my belt (as i talked about last week), and so I'm certainly no expert on the films starring Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, both of whose filmographies I'm quite okay with not being familiar. So why was I so excited about seeing Fast Five? Well, now that I'm officially a "film guy" I do admit some excitement about catching this film on the big screen. The genre of popcorn action films has been surprisingly weak so far this year, with expected blockbusters I Am Number Four and Battle: Los Angeles limping at the box office. Still, the big-budget special effects of Fast Five looked like just the remedy to these unknown quantities, and begged to be seen on an IMAX screen. If nothing else, the chance to visit anew a series that has already made fans of millions seemed like a good way to spend the day. With this chance for excitement too good to pass up, I made my way to the theater for some big screen heroics and explosions.

Aw, Paul Walker finally became a grown man!

When a deal gone bad makes Brian O'Conner (Walker) and siblings Mia (Jordana Brewster) and Dom Toretto (Diesel) enemies of the most powerful man in Rio de Janeiro, the three find themselves in deep water, as criminal kingpin Herman Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida) hunts them down for the secrets in their possession. Now, with the dual threat of Reyes's goons and a team of DSS government agents led by Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) hot on their trails, Dom and Brian decide that they are tired of running. Using what they have found, they plan to rob Reyes blind, and to do so they assemble a crack team filled of former allies and co-patriots to take the stuffing out of the man who owns all the power in the "Marvelous City."

"Car Surfing" was one X-treme sport that never really caught on

One of the big differences between Five and previous additions to the series is the relative lack of street racing, which had helped the franchise identify itself in the first place. The early episodes in the series made their bones with extensive looks at the illegal street racing scene, endearing themselves especially to teenagers and race enthusiasts. There's a reason the films have won so many Teens Choice and MTV Awards and not any Oscars, and that appeal to young audiences is at least part of it. Anyway, in this latest film, the street racing  is nearly ignored completely. Excepting a couple of scenes taking place at a meet and one personal contest between some of the main characters, the racing angle is almost completely overlooked, resulting in something more of a generic heist movie a la The Italian Job. This would have been a problem if the subject matter couldn't adapt to those changes, but thankfully the cast and crew are more than up to pulling it off. While more could have been done with these original elements, in the end they're barely missed.

It's the "gather around the computer" scene, a classic of heist films

Besides the amazing chase sequences, the cast was a huge draw for audiences, and for obvious reasons. Besides the "Big Three" of Diesel, Walker and Brewster, just about every character you loved from previous films has returned, unless they up and were killed off in the other sequels (characters from the third film, Tokyo Drift don't count since chronologically it is last in the series). From 2 Fast 2 Furious come Tyrese Gibson and Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges, Gibson as a fast-talking Lothario and Ludacris as a tech genius.  Tego Calderon, Don Omar, and the beautiful Gal Gadot return from their roles in the fourth film Fast and Furious as well, though only Gadot is even remotely fleshed out. Yes, I do mean that literally. Sung Kang has appeared in more Furious films than everyone besides Vin and Paul, and reprises his ultra-cool racer here. Even Matt Schulze returns as Dom's childhood friend Vince in a role that hasn't been seen since the very original. For all these returning characters, the key is to make them appealing to everyone, not just the fans series as a whole. While I'm sure it HELPS to see the earlier titles to understand these characters better, I felt fairly attached to them from the get-go. Everyone from Brewster to Omar (who barely speaks any English at all) felt authentic to me, and while Diesel and Walker were often front and center, the rest are given enough to do to not make them seem worthless. The only real disappointment there would be Schulze, which is a shame since the character had such potential in his return. Unfortunately, the script doesn't seem to know what to do with Vince besides being a means to an end. He's kind of like Captain Kelly on Battlestar Galactica; you see him around, and he seems to belong, but the story doesn't seem to have any use for him, and he is eventually tossed aside.

Too late, Dom and Brian realize they're NOT driving the Mach 5

Fast Five's new characters manage to hold their own against the established stars, however, and help make the film better overall. Dwayne Johnson seems comfortable stepping back into his ass-kicking shoes. As the film's secondary antagonist, Johnson's DSS agent does whatever he can to catch the bad guys, and he's got our heroes dead in his sights. It's good to see a man who made a name for himself as a tough guy stop wasting time with family-friendly films like The Game Plan and The Tooth Fairy. He's born to be an action star and should get a legitimate chance to do so. Elsa Pataky also impresses as perhaps the only honest Rio cop, and her inclusion is done expertly well by the script. Only Joaquim de Almeida is uninteresting as a generic two-bit corrupt businessman. He at least manages to prove somewhat dangerous, with the deepness of his pockets and his multitude of faceless minions who die at his whim. There's just nothing to differentiate him from the many like villains that died at the hands of heroes in the past decade. Still, he's the odd man out in what is otherwise a compelling cast.

The People's Champ looks about ready to lay the smack down

The film does oversimplify things by disregarding the entire idea of "innocent bystander" in some of the more outlandish chase scenes, and we feel good in knowing that no innocents are EVER caught in the crossfire. It is this disregard for the real world that allows the film to just sit back, relax, and enjoy our popcorn. While it does absolutely nothing new (and is possibly the least innovative in the Fast and Furious series), Fast Five is honest enough of a film to be avoid being a derivative knockoff. Truly exciting and worth every penny of the ticket price, you should do yourself a favor and see it in the theaters if you're going to see it at all. At parts funny, engaging, sexy and never dull, Fast Five might be remembered as the top action film of 2011. That's saying a lot, with the comic book adaptations of Thor, Captain America and Green Lantern awaiting their turns this summer to shatter box office records. For now, I'm as surprised as anyone that Fast Five debuts as the #8 best film of 2011. Maybe it'll be the last in the series; maybe it won't. For now I'm just glad I took a chance and saw this when I did.

A Watershed Moment

I can't really remember ever going to see a circus growing up. No, Cirque du Soliel doesn't count. The circus most people are familiar with seem as though it has remained the same after countless decades. Even if you've never been, you probably have an idea of what to expect: high-wire escapades, exotic animals, human acts like the bearded lady or the tattooed dwarf, clowns. The more things change, the more they stay the same, as many of these circus companies have adjusted over time to become the entertainment juggernauts they are; even their most ardent opponents have to acknowledge the effect that those colorful tents and performers have on the average populace. But those same opponents would love to point out the countless acts of animal cruelty and human rights violations that have gone practically unnoticed, for fear it would diminish the drama that is the "Greatest Show on Earth." That's where Water for Elephants comes in. The film, based on the bestselling book by Sara Gruen, takes a hard look at the methods of traveling circuses during one of America's darkest hours, the Great Depression, and introduces to those who watch things they cannot help but be entranced by, whether they've seen a circus or not.

Supposedly, Rosie was a better kisser

Robert Pattinson stars as Edward Cul... I mean Jacob Jankowski, who one day has his whole life planned out ahead of him, only for everything to change irrevocably in one day. The day he is to take his final exams to graduate from Cornell University with a Veterinary degree, Jacob's parents are killed in an automobile accident, and he learns that due to his father being behind on the mortgage, the bank is foreclosing on his house. Homeless and wandering, Jacob finds himself an unlikely job with the Benzini Brothers traveling circus. He eventually enters a guarded friendship with circus manager August Rosenbluth (Christoph Waltz) and the star of the show, his wife Marlena (Reese Witherspoon). Hired on as an animal handler, Jacob sees how abusive August is of both people and animals, and it is only a matter of time before he must do something, if only to save Marlena - who he loves - and new show elephant Rosie, who he finds under his care.

Four Best-Actor nominees in one shot, anyone?

It may be too often said that the performance of an animal is the best part of a film, but far more rarely can that be construed as a good thing. From the moment adorable elephant Rosie - played by a very talented Asian elephant named Tai - makes her appearance a third of the way through the film, she manages to steal every scene in which she takes part. Obviously intelligent and showing impeccable timing (not to mention a comedic flair), Tai excels in whatever she's tasked with, whether it be a simple trick or as a victim of physical abuse. She is by far the best performer on screen, but don't be fooled into thinking that everyone else are just chumps. Pattinson is especially a surprise, proving he can put on a good show outside of the Mormon vampire set. Perhaps setting the stage for a long career combining all of his Dean-esque talents, Pattinson proves that he can handle the leading man moniker with ease. Witherspoon is also a delight, proving that she's worth so much more than her relatively brainless roles in films like Legally Blonde and 2010's How Do You Know. Hers is even more challenging for having to learn physical routines with her pachyderm co-star, and she works the different angles of her character like a true professional. That Waltz is practically the least of these four stars should not weigh negatively on him; as the film's villain, he is properly dangerous, skeevy and manic. However, Waltz also manages to convey the few positive traits Augustus contains, making for far more than a mere one-dimensional bad guy. All the performances, from the biggest star to the tiniest bit role, are excellently played and truly connect with the audience.

Sigh. He's so DREAMY.

One thing I was impressed by was the story that director Francis Lawrence chose to tell. He could have easily made the film all about the romance between Jacob and Marlena at the expense of the two-faced circus business. Instead, most of the film actually focuses on the conflict between Jacob and Augustus, with the fate of the circus and everyone aboard somewhere in the middle. Rosie is also featured much more than you would guess from the previews, as her role and that of some of the other animals shows us of the horrible cruelty that performance beasts underwent at a time when fresh meat couldn't be afforded for the lions, star horses are driven to the point of physical breakdown and a cruel trainer would leave welts and open sores on the skin of an elephant in a fit of rage. While we are led to believe that this was partly due to the crushing realities of the Depression, there's no reason to believe that these types of goings on don't happen nowadays. Animal cruelty still happens, as recently as 2009 when Kenneth Field (CEO of Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Circus) admitted to treatment of elephants in ways counter to the US Animal Welfare Act. Presumably even worse in this earlier era, Water for Elephants does a good job showing us abusers who treat these innocent victims even worse than the underpaid manual labor they use to set up their Big Tops.

Trivia fun! In a deleted scene in Vanity Fair, these two played estranged mother and son!

The film does use some CGI effects, most notably in a few scenes in which characters ride atop the circus train while the night sky twinkles in the distance. Sadly, these scenes don't look too realistic, but at least they manage to convey the comfortable mood the story is going for. Most of Water for Elephants is nothing like Lawrence's previous works, the more visually-stylish Constantine and I Am Legend (or his countless music videos). Most everything looks quite realistic, and while the few instances of SFX usage are not meant to wow us, the actual bits and pieces of circus acts are the true eye-poppers; from glimpses of the aforementioned high-wire acts and animal tricks we get our excitement, as though we were patrons of the circus and not the cinema. If there's anything involved there besides amazing camerawork and a great idea of what the director wanted to show, I sure couldn't find it.

Not even the "Greatest Show this Year", but still good nonetheless

Water For Elephants has a few flaws, the most notable being a contrived ending that surprises only in the fact that you never thought they would take the simple route to victory. Still, the word "magical" perfectly works for the majority of the film's execution, and for that reason it makes the 2011 Top 10 list at #7. Of course, if you're more interested in seeing elephants, you can always check out the International Elephant Foundation or perhaps even this article about them. I had a great time and this is a title I would definitely recommend for audiences of all ages.

Some Questionable Choices

It's a break from films today, as Hello, Mr. Anderson takes another look at a medium I've long been a fan. Those who remember my look back at David Willis's webcomic It's Walky! and his new regular series Dumbing of Age knows what a fan I am of the genre; I read webcomics every day, often discovering new titles and constantly adding them to my list of browser bookmarks. It was actually through Willis that I became familiar with the name of Jeph Jacques; Willis would mention him whenever the two were at the same convention or whenever he would post a guest strip on Jacques's site. That most recently brought me to the point of discovering Questionable Content, a slice-of-life comic set in the city of Northampton, in my own state of Massachusetts. While I admit I've never been to the city that influences this title, I've heard nothing but good things from my partner in crime and best friend The Opinioness. Northampton is widely known as a central display of art, music and counterculture, with a thriving LGBT community and alternative medical practices that are obviously a huge influence on QC. The comic itself began in August of 2003, at first posted twice a week but eventually expanded to post every Monday through Friday when Jacques left his day job to focus on creating content full-time. There are over nineteen-hundred comics released on Questionable Content's site, and it took me nearly an entire weekend of non-stop browsing to absorb them into my system.

Questionable Content centers around a group of friends living in Northampton in the present day. Marten Reed is a California boy and indie rock enthusiast who moved to the city following his (now ex) girlfriend. He randomly meets fellow indie fan Faye Whitaker and the two fast become friends. Though you might at first imagine this story going down the obvious romantic route of boy meets girl, Faye has no romantic interest in Marten, and the two instead become best friends who end up living together after Faye accidentally burns down her apartment. The two build an eclectic group of friends, and the comic focuses on the everyday lives of the troupe, from romantic liaisons to drunken banter.

Where do they get their period-clothing, I wonder?

From day one, it's obvious just how "indie" QC is, from its musical inspirations to counterculture parodies. The indie rock conversations early on are deeply opinionated but easy to follow, and made easier by Jacques's lessening of that theme later in the comic's life. The comic follows many themes that would be banned from your local newspaper; it speaks frankly about sex, alcoholism, relationship sabotage and bisexuality, but doesn't treat these things as mere humorous asides. Sure, you'll probably laugh at the jokes presented, but the story also treats these themes with the seriousness they deserve. When one character decides to go see a therapist, it isn't a big joke, like those you might see on network television. When a couple break up, there are consequences both long and short-term. Questionable Content is so realistic in its storytelling that you can look past the more outlandish elements as mere aberrations.

Character is one way webcomics either thrive or die. There are many examples of titles that either don't introduce new characters or fail at making memorable personalities for the readers to latch onto. No matter how much you might like a particular character, too much from them means you might get sick of them relatively quickly. Questionable Content thankfully has some of the strongest and most unique characters I've seen on the web, and has constantly added more to the benefit of the series as a whole. Originally focusing on Marten and Faye, Jacques did well by surrounding them with Dora, a bisexual ex-goth and cafe owner and Faye's boss, and Pintsize, an "AnthroPC" or AI computer who has been Martin's companion since forever. Dora was simply adorable, and Pintsize managed to elicit most of the laughs from the audience. From there Jacques went further, creating Dora's successful man-whore brother Sven, eccentric OCD-suffering Hannalore, Marten's lesbian boss Tai, and W.O.W. fan and former shut-in Marigold, to name a few. Hannalore especially is a lot of fun to read, as you're never sure what hilarity will erupt from her mouth next. Even though Marten is technically the comic's leading male, the story is often dictated by the ladies, with Faye, Dora and the others stealing whole storylines while Marten stands back and reacts. That female-centric narrative alone makes for a different experience than most popular titles.

As my friend Nick has pointed out, you would be forgiven to start from the beginning of the story and cringe at the artwork that litters the pages. It's well past 150 pages before the artwork approaches anything resembling "acceptable" by professional standards, and until then you're better off focusing on the dialogue and humor. Once Jacques leaps that artistic hurdle, however, his art is a wonder to behold, and constantly improves over the course of the series. Character design especially is key, as characters are often easily recognizable and have their own "looks" that differentiate them from the others. Long story short, a little patience here leads to a visual artistry not many cartoonists can match.

As I said, I managed to get through just over nineteen hundred comics in the span of a weekend. The reason I was able to pack in so much viewing was that I literally could not tear myself away from the site for very long before being inevitably drawn back in like a trout on the line. Local ties notwithstanding, I truly enjoyed reading the entire existing series cover to cover. It's become my new favorite webcomic, surpassing the love I harbor for It's Walky!, Schlock Mercenary, and Real Life by some degree. I'll be reading it every day, and I can easily recommend it to any who can take a few minutes out of their day to read their funnies.

Speed Bumps

I believe that the ultimate purpose of film is to take the viewer to places they've never seen and give them experiences they've never had before. Even if the situations presented are familiar, the movie must put forth little-known ideas to entertain its audience. After all, how interested would we be in the films we watched if they were to present to us things we already knew firsthand? It has to shock us or make us laugh, and no matter what city, country or planet you set your tale on, a film needs to have that element of the unknown to really resonate. When The Fast and the Furious debuted in theaters way back in 2001, it brought to the table the intrigue of illegal street racing to the forefront. Featuring a bevy of big names sure to appeal to the younger set, the film went from unknown quantity to megastar, raking in the dough and becoming a true international phenomena. For stars Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, the film helped catapult them to super-stardom. Diesel landed the legendary role of golden-hearted crook Dominic Toretto, sandwiching it between infamous characters Richard B. Riddick (Pitch Black) and Xander Cage (xXx), proving his draw with audiences. Walker also benefited greatly from the film, taking the popularity he earned on it for all it was worth. Two sequels to the film followed. Walker returning to star in 2 Fast 2 Furious, a movie equally panned and successful. Though it no longer had Diesel on board, the franchise had legs (or wheels, in this case) and took off, spawning yet another sequel in the process. Having little to do with the previous films (and taking place in Japan, as well), The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift was financially disappointing, even considering that it starred Lucas Black and Bow Wow, relative nobodies by Hollywood standards, in leading roles. It did well enough to conceive yet another addition to the family, however. Fast & Furious was most notable not only for being the most successful film in the series, but the first sequel to reunite the stars of the original film; Diesel, Walker, Michelle Rodriguez and Jordanna Brewster returned in grand fashion, leaving no theater carrying excess tickets. And so they did it again. This time Diesel, Walker, Brewster and a mishmash of characters from all four previous films reunite in Fast Five, a sure assault on the senses that screens this coming weekend. Of course, since it hasn't come out I have yet to see that film. And so I decided to perform something of a pregame ritual this past week, using my Netflix resources to see the original deal, celebrating its tenth anniversary this year.

You just don't mess with a man wearing a cross around his neck

Having next to nothing to do with the 1955 Roger Corman original, the film stars Paul Walker as Brian O'Conner, an undercover police officer attempting to gain acceptance in the world of Los Angeles's illegal street racing scene. A group of racers are hijacking semi-trailer trucks, and Brian has been sent in by the FBI to determine which of the crews is responsible. To that end, he attempts to get close to the crew run by Dominic Toretto (Diesel), facing adversity at his newcomer status. Still, he manages to gain Toretto's trust, along with that of Dom's sister Mia (Brewster) and several of Dom's followers. After fruitless investigations into rival groups, Brian eventually concedes that the Toretto clan (with all of whom he as practically become friends) are the culprits, and must decide whether his loyalties fall on the side of the law or friendship.

Sunglasses; making people look like asses since 1929

Wow, when I go back and re-read that, it seems even more implausible than I THOUGHT. The Fast and the Furious is so dependent on cheap thrills that its easy to imagine how horrible the film would have been without gratuitous car races, chases and overall vehicle exploitation. The cars are even more sexualized than the underdressed young women who attend these events, making for an interesting reversal, but it all just detracts from the fact that there's very little actual story going on. Of course, story is far from the main reason people like these movies (and you pretty much have to know what you're getting into with ANY Vin Diesel film) and as long as you can take in the adrenaline rush the movie throws at you, it can be enjoyed on a more primative level.

Unseen off-screen: the rampage of teen girls storming the set

In fact, it's these race scenes in which the film shines. Director Rob Conlon, who for much of his career has thrived on action titles, shows a good eye for angles and conveying just how fast these care are going, a visual difficulty to which anyone remotely familiar with NASCAR events can attest. Conlon succeeds in letting the viewer in on just how exciting and dangerous it can be in one of these heavily-modified vehicles, and it makes the film all the more enjoyable to have the audience brought in on the action. It's an obstacle not too many directors can overcome.

Ooh, that's gonna hurt

Acting in action films, however, is one that is really never attempted. Part of the reason for this is the genre's focus on explosions and excitement over plot and character development. You typically won't see a top-caliber actor stoop to doing action films (unless its Will Smith), and by the same degree you'll almost never see a performer in an action role nominated for a major award. Action movies tend to be the harbor for lesser performers to catch an audience, and FatF is the perfect example of such a device. Diesel is of course little more than a gigantic meat-bag, flexing muscles upon muscles and backing that up with his usual gravelly bass vocals. Showing only occasional glimpses of emotion (and the actor he COULD be if he tried), Diesel simply settles. While Toretta is definitely one of his signature roles, it's not really all that different from most of his others, with the notable exception of Riddick. Walker looks too young to be either a real undercover cop or legitimate street racer, and has the acting talents only slightly above. His good looks might make the ladies swoon, but they can only carry him so far and is role is such a poor melange of cliches that it's almost a shock that he became the face of this franchise. Rodriguez does little more than smack talk and drive the occasional car, and any depth to her character must have been left on the cutting room floor. Brewster is only slightly better, and her romance with Walker's character is shoved to the side at the first sign of real excitement. There are some good supporting characters, but even they are limited by the shallowness of the film's script. Rick Yune, Chad Lindberg and Matt Schultze do their best in underrated performances, but ultimately are only minor distractions from the real stars.

The only things pimped here are on the street

While the upcoming Fast Five might have cracked my most anticipated films list for this month, I'm certain I could have passed on seeing this original, as I'm sure the sequel's story will not depend on me knowing what happened in the previous films. Still, for entertainment on its most basic level, you could do a lot worse than The Fast and the Furious in picking rentals. Sure it's lacking in plot, character and sensibility, but when you have so many visuals going on at once, those missing things can be forgiven and forgotten. The true secret to its success, however, was the ability it had to introduce us to a real-world event that most of us may never see first-hand.

Apology for the Ages

There are several reasons there's no post today. Stress, work, sleep deprivation and copious amounts of alcohol (seriously, whoever's been sending the free drinks my way: keep it up) all had a part to play, and at this point my body is so beat up that it needs time to recover and my mind needs time to refocus. Sorry!  I'm taking a health day for now and bumping the piece-in-progress to Monday, so I'll be looking forward to seeing you all then!

Seriously. Keep the booze coming.